Page 39 of Save Me

"I promise," I whisper.

"Good. What else have you been doing since we talked?"

"Not much. I had lunch with Marion yesterday."

"You're allowed to call her mom, Iz."

"I know. It just still doesn't feel right." I shrug. "Honestly, I'm not sure it'll ever feel right." I hesitate. "She asked about you."

Bella narrows her eyes on me. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing," I promise. "You know I wouldn't do that." I promised Bella when I agreed to meet with Marion the first time that I wouldn't discuss her. She wants nothing to do with her, and I respect her decision.

Bella nods. "Did you have fun?"

"Not really. I don't know. It's like the more I get to know her, the more I realize I just…don't want to know her?" I shrug a shoulder, not sure how to explain it. "I think she regrets what she did. She's grown up and changed. But I guess I just feel like…maybe it's too late? I'm not sure. It just doesn't feel right."

In a way, it feels almost like she regrets her choices only because they ruined her life, not necessarily because they ruined ours. She's remorseful. She feels bad that she hurt us. She wishes she could take it back. But would she feel the same guilt if she hadn't spent years in prison? If she hadn't lost our dad? I don't think she would. She's lonely, desperate for a connection. But that isn't the same thing as love.

I've seen real love. We have a mom who loves us unconditionally. I've seen the way Brantley's mom loves him and how much guilt she carries because of what Bellamy did to them. She was a victim too, but she still carries so much guilt. Our mom was never a victim. She's the one who hurt us. Yet she doesn't carry even a tenth of the guilt Maureen Hill lives with. I saw it the day I met her. So sitting across from Marion yesterday was hard. Because I could see the difference. After meeting Brantley's mom, it was impossible not to see it.

Our bio-mom is trying to do the right thing, but I think she's trying for the wrong reasons. And I'm not sure I want to be a part of that.

"You don't have to see her," Bella says. "You don't owe her that."

"I know," I say quietly. "But it was never about her. It was about us."

My twin nods.

"It's boring here without you."

"Duh!" She laughs loudly.

My phone buzzes. I glance down at it, my heart leaping into my throat when I see Brantley's text.

Brantley: I need you, little bird. Can you come?

I asked him to reach for a lifeline if he needed it. Is this him doing that? I'm not sure, but the possibility that he's reached the breaking point worries me.

"Bella, I gotta go," I mutter, glancing up at my twin on the computer screen.

"What? Where?"

"I forgot about an appointment," I lie. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Her face falls into a pout. "Fine. But you better call me."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too."

I quickly end the video feed and then scoop up my cellphone to text Brantley back.

Me: I'm on my way.

Brantley: I'll be waiting.

I grab my stuff and hurry from the room, praying that whatever is going on with him doesn't break us. It feels a little bit like it could. It's felt that way for days. I'm just not sure why.

---