Page 23 of Save Me

"Different how?"

"No panic. No anxiety.Different."

"Ah."

I swallow, glancing away. "Can you get addicted to people, man?"

"You worried about gettin' addicted to her or to the sex?"

"Her." I meet his gaze, my answer firm. The sex was incredible. But she's the one who made it that way. I wouldn't have even gotten that far with anyone else, which is a testament to her power. I'm in serious danger of getting addicted to her and the way she makes me feel. "Even without the sex, I liked the feel of her hands on me. Maybe a little too much."

Daniel grins at me. "You're supposed to like it, Brant. And because you've never had it, it's a brand-new feelin' for you. You're starved for affection, brother. You crave it. Now, you suddenly have it from this sweet little thing who likes you. Of course you want more of it. That doesn't make it an addiction. It makes you human."

"I don't want to fuck it up."

"So don't," he advises. "You stopped fuckin' up four years ago. Eventually, you gotta learn to trust that you might actually know what the fuck you're doin'."

I'm not sure I've ever known that. I've just been making the shit up as I go, trying not to end up like the bastard who raised me. I figured if I accomplished that, it'd be enough. But now that he's gone, it doesn't feel like enough anymore. I want…more.

I want to be a man Isla can be proud of. But I'm not even fucking sure where to start trying to be him when the goddamn past is still hanging over my head. It's everywhere I look. No matter how far I've come, I'm still surrounded by it. My fucking father still overshadows everything.

If she's with me, he'll taint her too. It's inevitable. I can't tell the truth about who and what he really was. So people will judge her for choosing me. Is that fair to her?

Of course not. But letting her go already feels impossible too. She's under my skin, running through my veins, as vital as air. How do I give that up when I'm pretty goddamn sure she's feeling the same thing?

I can't. I won't.

I wasn't supposed to get close to her. I wasn't supposed to fall.

I am anyway.

So there has to be a third option. One that allows me to keep her close while protecting her from his bullshit.

Shit. Maybe there is.

She wants me to help find out who killed my father. Maybe that's the solution. I find them and deal with the issue. We bring Bella home. And no one finds out exactly what kind of fucking monster my father truly was. His evil dies with him. It doesn't taint Isla. My mother doesn't suffer anymore. For once, we're free.

My house of cards doesn't come crashing down.

"How much does she know?" Daniel asks.

"Some of it." I scrub a hand through my hair. "I had a fucking nightmare."

"Same thing?"

I jerk my chin in a nod.

"I'm sorry, brother," he says quietly.

"Me too." I sigh.

"You told her about it after the nightmare?"

"Yeah." I swallow. "She knows about the shit he did and about why I went to work for him."

"Did you tell her...?"

I quickly shake my head.

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