Page 59 of Save Me

"Are you awake now, Mama?" she asks, trying to whisper even though she's not very good at that. At four, she still hasn't quite mastered the whole concept.

"What are you doing out of bed, baby girl?" I run my hand down her arm.

"There's a monster in my cwoset again."

"Oh, dear," I whisper, helping to lift her into the bed with me. "Another one?"

"Uh-huh," she sniffles, snuggling up against me with one arm thrown over me. "He's big and scary, Mama."

The bed dips as Brantley rolls toward us. "Did I hear you say there's a monster in your closet?"

"Uh-huh, daddy," Corbin repeats. "He's big and scary."

Brantley and I share a look. Ever since we told her that she's going to be a big sister, she's been sneaking into bed with us, claiming there's a monster in her closet. I think she's worried about sharing us with a new baby. As if we could ever love her any less.

She's the center of our world. Brantley is wrapped around her tiny little finger. There's nothing he wouldn't do for her. And my god, watching him love her is something beautiful. I always knew he'd be an incredible father. After everything he went through, he knows exactly how important it is to love a child with his whole soul. But I did not expect to fall even harder for him watching him become that man.

He owns so damn much of my heart there's no way a single piece of it will ever not belong to him. I live and breathe for him. And I know he feels the exact same way. He tells me every chance he gets. He shows me every day.

The last six years haven't always been easy, but they've been worth every single minute. He's had highs and lows. PTSD is like that. There are long periods of time where everything is goingperfectly, and then something—some memory or reminder of the past will pop up unexpectedly—and he struggles again.

It's not like it was when we met, though. He's put in so much work and fought so hard to never slip back into that place and that headspace. He still attends meetings periodically. He's still in therapy with Daniel—though Daniel no longer follows him everywhere. And he still sees a psychiatrist too.

He knows he's worthy now. And that confidence on him? Well, he's always been gorgeous. But he's something else altogether now. And it's sexy as hell.

"Well, maybe we should go chase this monster out of the closet, baby girl," he suggests, the same way he always does. Six years ago, he wouldn't have even tried it. He didn't step foot in closets. All his clothes hung in a portable closet in a corner of his bedroom. Every single other closet in his house was empty. I cried the first time I realized that. It was like coming face to face with the wreckage of his past, seeing it in vivid color. It killed me.

He spent months working through exposure therapy with his psychiatrist and Daniel to get to a place where he's comfortable chasing imaginary monsters out of our daughter's closet. He won't step inside and close the door—I don't think he'll ever get to that point. But he doesn't avoid them anymore. He hangs his clothes in our closet, and he's able to step inside and grab what he needs. So long as the door stays open and the lights stay on, he can breathe. And he teaches our daughter to face the things that scare her. He faces them with her.

"You go, Daddy," Corbin says, hiding her face against my throat. "I don't wanna."

Brantley chuckles, pressing a kiss to my shoulder before he climbs from the bed. "You know you've gotta go with me, baby girl. I can't fight monsters without my partner." He holds his arms out to her. "Kiss your mama and crawl up here."

"Bye, Mama," she says, pouting. "I'm going to get eating by monsters."

I chuckle, brushing my lips across her forehead. "I bet your daddy won't let that happen. He loves you too much."

She huffs, reluctantly holding her arms out for him to scoop her up. He tucks her carefully against his bare chest, brushing his lips across her crown when she lays her head against his shoulder.

"I'll be back, little bird," he murmurs to me, winking.

"Love you." I close my eyes as they cross the room, heading for the hall.

"We're going to get eaten, Daddy," Corbin tells him as they pass through the door.

"What'd I tell you, baby girl?" he asks, his voice a gentle rumble. "Monsters will never get you so long as I'm here."

My heart threatens to burst in my chest as I listen to them murmur back and forth. We never tell her that monsters aren't real. Kids never believe that, and we both know it's not true. There are monsters in this world. There will always be monsters in this world. But they'll never be more powerful than goodness. They'll never snuff out the light. And we'll always be stronger. Those are the lessons we teach her.

We learned them in ways no child should. It's not the same for her and never will be. She'll never know what it's like to not be wanted by a parent or to be hurt by one. She'll never know any of the pain Brantley experienced or the confusion I did. She knows love, every damn day. And so will her baby brother.

"Get outta my cwoset!" she cries from her bedroom, her little voice carrying down the hall. "My daddy said you hab to leave!"

I chuckle, shaking my head as they bang around in her room for a few minutes, scaring the monsters away. And then they fall silent.

A few seconds later, I hear her little feet racing down the hall. Of course he didn't put her back in her bed. He never does. He chases the monsters away and then gives her exactly what she wanted in the first place. He isn't capable of telling her no.

"Mama! Mama!" she cries, scrambling back up on the bed with me. "The monsters are gone. We scareded them away."

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