Page 46 of Save Me

He's been through hell. He's still going through it. He's had twenty-six years of hell. He's going to screw up. He'll make mistakes. I have to give him a little grace. It's the only way we'llever get to a place where he's ready to ignore the whispers of the past and embrace the future. And, more than anything, I want that for him. He may not believe he deserves it, but I do.

I'm not thrilled that he lied to me. He's not off the hook for that. But…I can forgive him for it because I can understand it. When you've never had anything soft to cling to, you're afraid to mess it up. You do crazy things to avoid messing it up. Bella and I did that when Jenna first came into our lives. She was so good to us, and we were afraid we'd screw it up. There were growing pains. But she never got mad at us. She never pushed us away. She pulled us closer.

Brantley deserves the same thing from me. That's what I want to give him—a safe place to land. Someone who is in his corner no matter what. I stumbled today. I didn't get it right. But I will next time.

He's my future. Hell, I'm pretty sure that he's my soul. I want him to know that. I'm not entirely sure he does, not right now.

The desire to see him, to tell him that I love him, surges through me, too fierce to be contained. I glance at the clock and bite my bottom lip. It's after midnight. My dad will lose his mind if he wakes up and I'm not here. But…this is too important to wait.

I cross to my desk and grab a pen and paper, scrawling a quick note to let him know that I'm fine. I don't tell him where I'm going. That's a conversation we need to have face to face. But we will be having it soon. I'm done hiding Brantley. I'm done spending every night here when where I really want to be is with him.

It's my life and my decision. I'm making it now.

I leave the note in the center of my bed where they'll find it if they come looking for me, and then I slip out, determination filling me. My mom told me to fight for him.

Well, I'm declaring war.

Chapter Eleven

Brantley

The shot of whiskey in front of me on the bar is screaming my name. I want to pick it up and slam it back, and then call for another one. But…I don't. Because all I see is her face. All I hear is her, making me promise that I'll reach for a lifeline.

And even if she never forgives me, I've disappointed her enough. I've hurt her enough. I want to drink…but I want tomake her proud more. So I leave the whiskey sitting there and reach for a lifeline.

Priest Alcalde and Dalton Grady blow through the doors an hour after I sit my ass down, swarming me with lines of worry etched onto their faces.

Truth is, I probably should have called Daniel. But I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to be talked down when I called Priest. Didn't expect the fucker to bring Dalton with him, though.

"Hey, man," Dalton says as they pull up stools on either side of me. "You good?"

"Perfect," I lie. "On top of the motherfucking world."

Dalton sighs.

"Is that why you've got a shot of whiskey in front of you, brother?" Priest asks.

I don't say anything.

"What are you doing, man?" Dalton asks, concern etched in his deep voice. "You shouldn't be here."

Isn't that the million-dollar question? What the fuck am I doing here?

"I fucked everything up," I rasp, my eyes locked on the shot in front of me like it's really going to fix this shit. "And Isla left."

"Jesus," Priest says. "What happened, Brantley?"

I don't even know where the fuck to begin. I've kept so much shit to myself for so long, trying to keephissecrets. Not even Memphis knows everything. Daniel doesn't. Hell, no one really does. Because it was easier not to talk about it than it was to admit just how fucked up I really am.

"They found her sister. Tried to kill her." I scrub a hand through my hair, trying to figure out how to put it together for them. "It's my goddamn fault, Priest."

"And you think this shit is going to help?" he growls. "You're supposed to be sober, brother."

I laugh, the painful sound scraping my throat. "So everyone keeps telling me. Christ, I'm so fucking tired of this."

"Of what?" Dalton asks.

"The whole goddamn thing," I mutter. "Half the fucking world blames me for what happened, and I let them because I want to protect his memory. I owe him that much. But goddamn. I didn't know it'd cost me everything that mattered."

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