Page 38 of Recon Rendezvous

“I’ll concede. He was everything I needed today. I can’t even lie. He held me together,” I admit.

“Are you finally ready to talk about what happened earlier?” Sasha asks.

Taking a deep breath as Gem pours me a glass of wine, I try to gather all the thoughts swirling in my head.

I chug the glass before handing it back to her, nodding to add a little bit more. Okay, so maybe we are getting drunk tonight.

I let out a breath. “You guys remember I told you about my ex?”

They all nod as they continue to eat with their attention riveted to me.

“Travis called today…” I chuckle without mirth. “To tell me that he’s engaged.”

The collective gasps as their hands fly to their mouths in unison, and Gem choking a bit on her food would be hilarious if we weren’t talking about this shit show that is my life right now.

“Wait.” I hold up my hand. “There's more. Not only is he engaged, but she's also pregnant,” I say as I tip my glass to them before taking another gulp.

Their questions fall over each other as they all let loose.

“How long have you guys been split up?”

“Please don't tell me this asshole was cheating?”

“What the actual fuck? Let’s go key his fucking car.”

Gem fills my glass again as I shake my head. “No, he said she's newly pregnant. Travis is a lot of things, like an asshole, wack in the sack, a total bore, if you will. But he's not a cheater.”

Taking another deep drink, I close my eyes as I relive how I felt as he spoke. “After I got that news, I was raw. Exposed.” Of course, he made it worse by putting me down yet again. If he's good for one thing, it's being fucking consistent.

“He also threw a couple jabs about findingthe one.” I make quotation marks with my fingers. “And how with me he didn'twant kids, but now withher, it's his fucking life mission or some shit.”

“Oh, fuck him. I’m with Mia. Let’s fly to Seattle and fuck his car all the way up,” Sasha says, and this time I laugh, the sound reverberating through my body. Sasha is the sweetest person, and it's hilarious anytime I hear any sass come out of her mouth.

“Right? Fuck him. But hearing him so proud and happy about his new future was like a punch to the gut. It knocked the air from my lungs. Xander walked in as hurt and anger fought for dominance.” My hand goes to my heart, recalling the feeling. “I still can’t believe I wasted years of my life with a man who didn't want the same things I did. We may have started out with the same dreams but as life and years went on and we grew up, while I thought we were growing together, we were actually growing up and apart.”

I sigh, meeting each of their sympathetic gazes. “I'm going to share this with you guys. My family knows, and it’s long been a point of contention with Travis, but I was ready for a family.”

“A family?” Gem asks softly.

Nodding slowly, I add, “One of the reasons why Travis and I broke up is because I want kids, and he didn't.”

“Wait, but he's having a baby with someone else,” Sasha exclaims.

“Exactly. While I was in La La Land, thinking we were happy…” I shake my head. “Nah, not even happy, thinking that we were okay and just going through a rough patch, but still planning our future, he was off thinking I couldn’t be the mother of his kids. I was notwifey material.”

Ugh, it sounds pathetic to my own ears, but it still hurts all the same. “Fortunately, we ended things before he could break me down completely. I took a couple of months to figure out if I wanted a baby or just the unconditional love I was missing. Once I realized I didn’t need him, I came home for the support of myparents, Ty, and my aunt and uncle. When I’m ready, I’ll do it on my own. One day.”

Sasha comes around to my side of the table and hugs me from behind. “And you have us now. We will help you in any way we can.”

“You girls already have. And I hear you. Xander may be the Kermit of green flags, but I don't think he's ready for this mess. I don’t want him to be. I have a plan, and I really can't afford distractions right now.”

“Babe.” Mia rests her hand under her chin as she levels me with a look. “Now is the time for distractions. To be your best self, you know, we're all about self-care. You have to take care of yourself first. Give yourself some orgasms. If Xander is good for anything, it's orgasms, or so I’ve heard. Scream at the top of your lungs, go wild, be free. I want that for you.”

“Damn, you make it sound so easy,” I say, a little envious of her carefree attitude when I have this baggage and disappointment weighing me down as I try to navigate this new life.

Gem nods. “That's because it is. I'm sure we told you about my mission promiscuous, operation summer slut plans. I took a chance and look where I am now.” She holds her hands up, exposing her palms. “I'm not saying that you need to fall in love and marry Xander in a beautiful ceremony off the Amalfi coast, or anything.”

I smile softly and deflect the attention away from me. “Is that where you and Eli are getting married?”

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