Page 32 of Recon Rendezvous

My face whips to the side as if he’s slapped me, and I keep my face turned so the other patrons can’t see the tears forming in my eyes.

Saying the words aloud that I’ve feared the answer to for far too long, I steel myself for his response. “You told me you didn’t want kids,ever. But what you really meant was you didn’t want kids withme.”

He sighs. “Yeah.”

Another fucking gut punch, but you couldn’t pay me to stop now. Masochist party of one.

“Why didn’t you tell me that years ago? Why’d you waste my time, Travis?”

“I thought maybe you’d change my mind.”

My voice drips with disdain when I say, “It wasn’t my job to change your mind or convince you. You either wanted a life with me, to start a family, or you didn’t.”

“Well, obviously I didn’t.” He sighs as if I called him and fucked up his day. “Listen, this will be the last you’ll hear from me, and I hope that you can appreciate that I called you to share this news instead of allowing you to be blindsided.”

“How magnanimous of you.” My voice sounds flat to my own ears, but I try my damnedest to hold it together. I can’t let him know he still has the power to completely wreck me.

“Well, there’s nothing left to say. Our story has been written and the book is closed. Goodbye, London.”

“You can fuck all the way off, Travis,” I spit.

I hear his protests as I end the call. That’s not what I meant to say but fuck him.Fuck him.I could have lived the rest of my life without that phone call. But as I replay the conversation over in my head, his little digs tear into me. That little book comment… fuck, I wish I said it wasn’t even good enough to earn a one-star review. Or, zero out of ten, I wouldn’t recommend. No matter what comeback I wish I could have thrown out, he’s still having a baby. With someone else. Because he didn’t want to have one with me.

I’d started to stitch myself back together, but my confidence is in tatters once again. We were together for years. Could he have seen something in me that I don’t recognize as a shortcoming? Fuck, am I kidding myself? Has it always been me? Am I the problem?

Here I am thinking I have it all, that I have the world at my fingertips. Moving to a new city, I just interviewed for the closest thing to a dream job, I’m in the market for my very own home, and this one phone call wipes it all away.

Oh god, did I make a mistake moving here to start over? My family is here so I'll have their support, but that also meansthey'll have a front row seat for my failures. They'll see the cracks in my armor, the faux confidence I’ve cultivated over the years. I could hide that from across the country. Now that I’m here, they’ll figure out that I’m a fraud.

Obviously, I can't be trusted to make my own decisions. I chose Travis, and I chose him every day for seven years. And who knows, I'd probably still be with him if I didn't want this more than I wanted him. Closing my eyes, I silently thank God for waking me up and putting me on a new path. But this still hurts all the same.

Tears spill over as I fumble for a napkin, when the second-to-last voice I want to hear cuts through the quiet.

“Babycakes, are you stalking me?”

Fuck my life.

CHAPTER TEN

XANDER

Stepping into the coffee shop, I considered extending my walk to allow some of the sun we’re finally getting to warm my skin. Being cooped up in the office, even with the wide-open spaces and oversized windows, still makes me feel stifled, so I like to get out when I can and treat myself. Removing my sunglasses, I allow my eyes to adjust to the artificial light and scan the near empty cafe as the aromatic scents of caramel, honey, and nuts wake up my stomach.

Would you look at that?I’d thought my day had been top tier, but spotting London here, all pretty in pink, is the cherry on the top of a very decadent cake. I’m suddenly in the mood for some verbal sparring and wind through the tables, calling out to her again as a few heads turn in my direction.

Her head remains down, turned away toward the window as she pretends not to hear me, and I laugh at her stubbornness. Stopping beside her, I notice the tense set of her raised shoulders, and before I can say anything, her mirrored reflection of anguish punches me in my stomach, knocking the air from my lungs, bringing me to my knees.

“Baby, no.” Crouching beside her, my hand moves on its own accord as it comes up to stroke the back of her head. Possessionand the burning need to protect her from any and everything that could hurt her blazes through my chest.

She doesn’t respond as she dabs at her face and exhales a deep breath before turning to me. Eyes red and slightly puffy, she pastes on a fake smile but doesn’t meet my eyes. “Hey.”

Her voice sounds different, like she’s far away, keeping her distance, protecting herself beneath a hard shell.

“Don’theyme.” As she tries to turn away, hiding from me again, I try to ease her tension, slowly moving my hand to cradle her cheek and get her eyes on me. “Tell me what's wrong, baby.”Tell me, I silently beg. Whose life am I ending? I’ll have it taken care of by the end of business day.

Her wide wet eyes plead with me to drop it, and her little shrug sends a pang through me. My thumb moves rhythmically back and forth as I wait her out. There’s no way I’m letting this go. Not when she’s clearly hurting.

“My ex called.”

---