Page 68 of Claiming Sarah

“I don’t mean just aboutthisstuff.”

She looked at me again, and there was something in her eyes that reminded me of the way that people on the streets of Faithless had looked at me yesterday, when we’d arrived. Like Iwas moneyed or special in some way, and they were jealous of me.

“You two are so much smarter than me, Jac,” she said in a soft, aching whisper. “And I don’t—”

“What the fuck, Sarah?” Pure shock jolted me back to my feet, my head spinning as much from the quick movement as her words. “What are you talking about?”

In a strangely deep, sarcastic voice, she mimicked, “Do they not teach astrophysics on Earth?”

I knew she was upset, but her imitation of Deacon was comical, and I almost laughed. “That was supposed to be Deacon, right?”

“Don’t smile at me like I’m being an adorable idiot, Jac,” she said, upset once more. “I can’t take it from you, too!”

“Sarah, we are not smarter than you—”

“Yes, you are!” she insisted. “You said it yourself that your six-year-olds could graduate my high school, when I barely finished high school! I’m dumber than a six-year-old Ladrian, and I can’t take it!” She jumped to her feet, and very quietly mumbled, “I don’t…I don’t know what you two even see in me.”

“You,” I said immediately. “We seeyou.”

“Hedoesn’t,” she said, stabbing a finger at the closed balcony door. “He doesn’t see me at all. I’m just…I don’t know what I am to him. But it can’t be much, if he treats me like this.”

I took her hands in mine, trying my best to soothe her. “You’re upset. You’re not thinking clearly—”

“Oh?” she asked, jerking her hands back as if my touch burned her. “When did you take psychology classes? When you were seven?”

“Nine, but that’s not the point—”

“Yes, it is the point,” she said, her tone sad. “You and Deacon…you two have this impenetrable bond between you. Iwas a fool for thinking there could be room for me in it. Or that either of you could love me.”

“I do—wedo.” I tried to reach for her again, but she pulled away. “Please, just talk to me about this, Sarah. You’re not a fool, we’re not smarter than you—”

“How can you say that?” She jutted her chin out stubbornly.

“Because there is a big difference between education and smart,” I said, speaking from my own experience. “Don’t you think I know how you feel? When it comes to me and Deacon, beingclassedhe’s had twice the schooling I ever did, going from primary to the academy like he did. All I ever did was primary, and I flunked out of that because I was too busy scouting for his family. But I know I’m not stupid—I’m just as smart as anyone else, educated or not. Smart is about how you use your knowledge, and you, my sweet consort, are smart. Smarter than most, to be honest.”

Doubt still filled her pretty eyes. “Then why do I feel so dumb around the two of you?”

I sighed in frustration, because I didn’t know how to fix her perception of herself. “Maybe because…Deacon and I have been together forever and wedohave that bond you spoke of, so sometimes it’s easy for us to shut out anyone who isn’t us. But that’s not okay, and I’m sorry we have ever made you feel that way. Neither of us think of you like that.”

She gave me a skeptical look. “You said the thing you two see in me, is me, right?”

I nodded, hoping that I was finally getting through to her. “Yes.”

“And you both love me?”

I told her the truth. “More and more every day.”

“So, if Deaconcansee me, and hedoeslove me, then how can he still treat me like some lying slut?” her voice became garbledon the last word as she began to cry. “Is that how he treats those he loves?”

I felt as helpless as when the tentacles had me in their grip earlier that day. I tried to take her in my arms to comfort her, but she backed away. “I won’t make excuses for his behavior. He needs to apologize.”

“Tell me what happened between them, Jac,” she said, her eyes pleading with me. “At least I’ll know something about him, before we all die trying to hunt down the rogue conduits.”

Deacon’s secret burned in my gut, trying to escape my mouth. But I couldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t my place, and ultimately I was loyal to him. “I’m sorry, Sarah, I just can’t—”

“Fine.” She stomped angrily out the bedroom door, slamming it shut behind her.

I pretty much died today, but this is worse.I flopped back onto the bed, before I decided to do something about the mess in my love life.

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