Page 50 of My Dangerous Duke

Though his voice was gruff his touch was incredibly gentle. He wrapped his palms around her delicate jaw, framing it, and applied the softest of pressure as he then silently begged her to look up. With patience, he waited, refusing to force her movements, and he almost fell to his knees with relief when Eleanor’s honey-brown eyes rose to meet his.

Thank you,he silently praised, pulling in a steadying breath.

“You are loved, Eleanor,” Xander repeated, his thumbs gently stroking her jaw, “I love you so incredibly much, and I tried not to. I tried to keep you away from me because I knew you deserved better and I thought I could not be that for you. I was so focused on trying to get out from under your father’s thumb that I could not see how wrong I was about that.

“But my issue… my issue has always been about control. I have needed to handle things on my own since my parents died, and any time I have leaned on another for aid it has ended poorly. Up until you, life taught me that people could be appreciated but not trusted, ever.”

“Xander,” Eleanor whispered, emotion reflecting in her eyes. Not sympathy or pity, but understanding. It was a tone that spurred him to continue, even though he had never revealed so much about himself to another in his life.

“Our marriage was built on blackmail, Eleanor, you cannot deny that, but you? Your presence? It was healing. Intoxicating. Devilishly annoying, and it made me feel things, realize things that I have never allowed myself before.”

“Do you not understand that you made me feel the same?” She asked, her hand pressing to her chest as her brow furrowed. “I have never felt for a man the way I feel about you. Ever. And I so thought when I started to feel this way about you- and saw that you might feel such a way toward me, I thought that was a sign! A sign that I could finally be with a man that might love me. But you were not. You were just the suitor my father finally succeeded in selling me to.”

“No!” Xander burst out, his silver eyes wide with panic. “No, honey please do not say that. Icanbe that man for you, Eleanor, Icraveto be that man for you,” he added emphatically.

“How am I to be sure that is true?” She burst out, confusion and fear clear on her face.

“Please,” he whispered his voice barely audible to himself as he felt a fist tighten around his heart, “Let me prove it to you.”

Xander’s breath stilled as seconds of silence ticked by. He wanted to say more,somuch more, but he did not want tooverwhelm her. So, he waited. Letting the seconds stretch into a minute, his chest growing tighter with each tick of the clock. Then, in a move that shattered his heart, Eleanor shook her head.

His entire body went cold and numb as he saw a single tear escape its prison and roll down her cheek. It was a symbol of defeat. Of failure. And it was all his doing. His lungs screamed at him to breathe, but he could not. He did not deserve to.

“I love you so much.”

The words came out of Eleanor’s lips in a quiet sob as more tears fell, and her brokenhearted expression lifted away from her beautiful features. Gently, she nuzzled her chin into his touch; the smallest show of trust.

Breath slammed in Xander’s lungs so deeply it felt like a kick to the chest, but it was a kick he would accept every damned day if it meant what he thought it meant. Eleanor’s hands unfurled from their fists then and slid from his chest up to his neck. A broken groan of relief and pain broke through Xander’s lips as she then laced her arms around him, and they pulled one another into a kiss.

Emotion tore through him as he felt her lips tentatively brush against his- a feeling he feared he would never experience again- and crushed her to him as he deepened the kiss. Eleanor whimpered as he did so, her body melting, seeping into his as they finally reunited. His knees buckled then, either fromemotion or keeping them locked with tension for so long, but he took them down gracefully, sweeping Eleanor into his lap.

“Honey,” he breathed raggedly between their kisses, his hands roaming anywhere and everywhere he could find bare flesh.

“Yes, husband?” She murmured, her tongue sliding teasingly over his bottom lip.

Xander moaned, unable to help it, and continued talking through their kisses.

“Not that I did not deserve it, but please do not ever do that again. The moment you shook your head was the most terrifying moment of my life.”

Eleanor’s arms wrapped tightly around his neck then as she kissed him deeper, so tight she nearly choked him, and when she did release him, there was no laughter in her eyes. He suddenly realized that he was not completely pardoned yet, and while their kiss was a very good sign, there was still much to be resolved. Much for her to forgive.

“I love you,” she repeated, her golden eyes glimmering with affection, “But that does not mean I forgive you. Not yet. There is much you have kept from me. More than just your true feelings. And we will talk about them, all of them, or youwillleave this house alone. No matter how much it would break my heart.”

Xander nodded, understanding the brevity of such a conversation. There was no way he was leaving that night without her, and therefore, anything she wanted, he would give her. With care, he rose from his knees with Eleanor still in his arms and carried her over to the nearest couch.

“I will share everything,” he promised, setting her down gently. He then took a seat on the opposite side, close enough to lean in and touch her, but far enough for her to have her own space when she needed it.

“But Eleanor,” he warned, meeting her eyes and feeling that warmth again, “I want you to understand that everything I am about to say is true.”

“Good,” she replied, nodding her head readily. “That is all I want.”

Chapter 23

Eleanor had not quite understood what Xander had meant when he commanded that she accept every part as truth, but now she did.

Her father blackmailing someone to gain power made sense. Xander obeying the blackmail to save his cousin Richard made sense. But their feelings, and how they grew for one another despite their situation, did not make sense. And yet, it was as true as everything else he said.

She could see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch that he loved her; but the pain of his secrets kept her from accepting it. Not just his secrets, but his need to control everything by himself. He was a man apart; isolated, in order to keep a firm grip on everything and everyone around him. And Eleanor was not one to allow such a tight hold.

---