Page 38 of My Ruthless Duke

“No, I did not mean to cry. You have planned this lovely evening for us and I do not mean to sound ungrateful for all of the effort you have gone through on my behalf, I promise. I was just caught off guard by your question,” Cordelia answered, but she would not look him in the face as she spoke.

Guilt reared its ugly head in Dorian’s gut. It spread and festered as he watched his wife suffer.

It is all my fault.

It hurt him more than he thought was possible to see her in so much pain.

The truth would crush her.

It wouldcrushher.

Perhaps it was endlessly selfish, but he could not tell her—he could not be the one to break her. Not if there was any other possible option.

“Is that what keeps you up at night? I hear you pacing some nights,” Dorian asked softly, keeping his gaze focused on his plate.

“Is my pacing why you will not share a bed with me?”

The softness in her voice was unlike anything he had heard from her. His gaze jerked up, clashing with her own. Her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth as she awaited his answer.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Why will you not sleep in the same bed with me? You will lie with me, and then the moment that we are finished… you abandon me. Every time. What is it? Why do you leave?”

A muscle in Dorian’s jaw feathered uncomfortably. His fingers twitched as he struggled for an appropriate answer. “I… it would complicate things between us.”

“How? What is it about this entire marriage that has not been complicated already?” Cordelia insisted.

She had a point. How was he supposed to combat her logic?

“I do not like sleeping alone, Dorian. I feel alone so often than when I know you are there… when you are near and I can hear your heart beating, no matter how large and frightening this house can be at night, I know I am all right.”

Dorian was at a loss for words. What could he say to that? He was afraid of crossing that line. If he did not continue to keep some boundaries between them, it would only hurt them both in the end. If he slipped and told her the truth? If he allowed her to feel close enough to rely on him for restful sleep? All of that would backfire eventually.

He was far too aware of each and every risk he took when it came to her already.

But when she looked at him like that… reason went straight out the window.

If that was truly how she felt about him in her heart, did he truly have any right to refuse her? It was more affection than he deserved, more than he would have ever thought was possible. He had been so certain that she was merely being a dutiful wife most of the time, but could she actually have begun to feel safe around him? Truly?

“If you could find it in your heart to stay with me, perhaps that would help.”

Cordelia’s eyes locked onto his own. She was begging in her own way, begging for him to spend the whole night with her, to share her bed, to wake in the morning with her sweet face nestledagainst his chest. Dorian never thought he would have gotten so lucky in any version of this life. It felt surreal. It was not even as if she was asking a lot from him. On the contrary, this should have been something far simpler to grant her than giving her the greenhouse that was so painful for him.

“Oh, dear. Listen to me,” Cordelia said with a scoff as she blotted her eyes with her napkin. “You must think me so foolish.”

There were a great many words that he could have tied to her, and foolish never would have been one of them.

“I do not,” Dorian said gently. Quite the opposite. Which was the issue that he was having. “But what you are asking me for would only complicate things between us further. I do not think that it would be wise.”

“Complicate? We are married, Dorian,” Cordelia continued softly.

The gentleness that she was showing in this conversation was going to shatter him. She looked so vulnerable, so open. His wife was asking him for something that she needed and he was unable to give it to her. The guilt over being unable to provide her with something so simple was breaking his heart.

“Cordelia… I…”

“I know that you are unaccustomed to such things. Truly, I do. But I think that if you would perhapstryto…”

Dorian pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose. “That is not…”

---