Page 81 of Clan and Command

Lokmi looked at Piras with want. It helped mitigate the reluctance that also flitted through his eyes. “I can’t see me bowing to your authority outside of duty. I can’t see you accepting my inability to do that.”

“I’ll teach you that part of being a real Dramok is knowing when to step aside to give others their chance to guide,” Piras told him. “I’ve had to do it with superior officers my entire career. I’ve yielded taking the lead to other Dramoks of higher rank and possessing better sense than me. Dramoks give way to Dramoks all the time.”

The Imdiko blinked. “I never thought about it like that.”

“Even that is not the most challenging aspect of being one of my breed.”

“What would that be?”

“Mastering yourself.”

Lokmi snorted. “It sounds simple, which means it’s anything but.”

“Damned right about that. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“Great. I’ve been following the wrong instincts all this time and need to be schooled. Meanwhile, I’ve also got to listen to you as an admiral.”

Piras grinned. “And Kila, as your commanding officer.”

“Don’t remind me,” Lokmi scowled. “Tell me I don’t have to completely give way to someone who loves to order me around in my own department.”

“Well, I am the captain of this bucket of bolts,” Kila defended himself. “Your department is in my ship. Which makes those enginesmine.”

Piras continued before they could begin that old argument. “Lokmi, you must recognize by now that Kila and I listen to the opinions of those we trust. Neither of us are dictators when it comes to that. Even over those damned engines you and Kila are always fighting over…you’ve found compromises.”

Lokmi was quiet as he turned it over in his mind. “We have done well together these last few days, haven’t we? And yes, I’ve seen how you’re willing to work with us when it comes to accomplishing our mission.” He gave Kila a suspicious look. “You haven’t said anything about how you feel about me being your clanmate.”

“Ugh. You want me to talk about my feelings?” Kila made a face, as if he’d tasted something particularly disgusting.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Nobek,” Piras sighed.

Kila huffed a grouchy breath. “You want me to tell you what I think? Fine. I have never met an Imdiko I could rely on to keep me in check as well as you do, Chief. You are one of the few I would even welcome the opinion of. And you’re damned sure the one man I wouldn’t kill for touching my engines.”

When he seemed ready to stop, Piras prodded him. “There’s more. Come on, Kila. He needs to hear it.”

The Nobek looked ready to knock them both on their asses. Instead, he clenched his teeth and muttered, “I trust you, Lokmi. I want to toss you out of an airlock most of the time, but before I do, I want you as my Imdiko. I can’t imagine being clanned to any other member of your breed.” He turned on Piras then. “Don’t you ever make me do that again, my Dramok.”

“I won’t. Thank you, my Nobek.”

Piras gazed at Lokmi and watched the tormented struggle on the man’s face. Again, he cursed himself for moving too soon. Lokmi wanted them as much as they wanted him. Piras knew it. He also knew the Imdiko was going to say no. Despite the temptation and assurances, Lokmi was in the same shape Piras had been in not so long ago. He had too much baggage weighing him down.

Lokmi hunched unhappily. “I can’t believe I’m admitting it, but I want to say yes. I swear I do. I know I won’t find another Dramok and Nobek more likely to let me be myself. But the words are getting stuck in my throat. I can’t say them.”

He looked away, his face working with misery. Piras wondered if Lokmi thought he was losing his one chance at being with the men best suited for him.

He squeezed the Imdiko’s shoulder. “Then don’t answer yet. Turn it over in your head. In your heart. Live with us like a clanmate without the final commitment. Get to know us in that sense. Give yourself time to learn you’re safe to be who you are with us.” He snorted and shot Kila a glance. “The ancestors know I’ve had plenty of experience in waiting for a man to clan with me.”

He didn’t miss the relieved expression that flooded Lokmi’s face. “Thank you for understanding…or at least trying to. I know I’m kind of difficult to figure out.”

“No harder than Piras is.” Kila rolled his eyes. “I’m still trying to comprehend him.”

“I’m not for the faint of heart or the small of brain,” Piras said in a lofty tone. “But you and I are clanned now, so I’ll have to overlook your shortcomings.”

Kila gave him a rude Earther gesture. “You’ll pay for that later.”

Piras suppressed a smile. He looked at Lokmi. “Are we good with our arrangement?”

Lokmi nodded, looking as sweet-natured as any full Imdiko with his face beaming. “I swear to you that I won’t keep you hanging the way Lidon did. I know how right we feel together. I just need a little longer to put old fears to rest. To unlearn what I thought being half-Dramok meant I should be.”

---