Page 42 of Clan and Command

And Laro. As he walked Fleet Command’s corridors, his mind’s eye kept overlaying them with the halls of Laro Station.

He’d been so hopeful about his future then. Everything had seemed possible, bright and shining and new. How many other young fleet officers, who were just as eager about their expectations, was he about to destroy?

How many were out there, meeting potential clanmates, falling in love with those who shared their commitment to the fleet and Kalquor? A vision of a young and fierce Lidon buying him a drink flashed in Piras’s brain.

He was surprised to find that he’d gotten to the command wing, not far from his office. He turned a corner and stopped short.

As if springing from the last thought he’d had, Lidon stood in the hall outside Tranis’s closed office door.

It felt as if a fist had been driven into Piras’s gut. He even bent slightly as a cramp seized his midsection.

He’d not seen Lidon in months. It was impossible to completely avoid the man, as he was Tranis’s clanmate. Occasional functions brought Piras in close proximity with his former lover, though he did his damnedest to avoid a face-to-face encounter.

He wanted to turn and hurry back the way he’d come. Yet his feet remained rooted to the floor, refusing to move as his hungry gaze took in what he’d lost.

Lidon looked as enthralling as ever. His countenance had taken on more of the calm assuredness he’d fought for after the brutal injury that had left him nearly crippled. He looked as serene as a Nobek could manage, though Piras could still detect a sense of restrained violence in his bearing.

His body filled out the armored black Global Security uniform in such a way that Piras was sure he’d increased his strength training regimen. Lidon looked bigger and badder than ever, making the Dramok’s mouth go dry. He knew Lidon had endured additional surgeries since joining Clan Tranis, healing most of the problems with his injured leg. He’d apparently taken advantage of his newfound mobility to get fitter than he’d been even in his younger days.

Alert to his surroundings, Lidon’s head began to turn in his direction. Piras made himself stand up straight and start again to his office That meant walking by the Nobek. He hoped his expression didn’t reveal the tsunami of emotions brought on from seeing Lidon.

He was so intent on betraying nothing that he offered Lidon the curtest of nods as he neared. His former lover’s brow rose. A look of surprise flitted over the proud face. Piras belatedly realized his cold greeting disclosed how uncomfortable Lidon’s presence made him. He forced himself to halt and adopt a pleasanter attitude. “Hello, Lidon.”

“Good evening, Piras. You look…tired.” The raised brow drew down, and the Nobek was frank in his inspection of Piras’s face.

“We’re at war. I’m sure you’ve noticed.” Piras was impressed with his ability to joke.

“War, you say? Come to think of it, things have been a bit tense as of late.” Lidon almost smiled. Almost. He’d never been much of a smiler around Piras. Unlike Kila. Kila wore a mocking smile most of the time.

It was impossible not to compare the two men. Both fierce warriors. Both honorably scarred from the battles they’d fought. Both with the greatest of integrity. Were those shared traits why Piras found Kila compelling? Why he’d tied himself up in knots over not hearing from Kila for two nights? And would it mean Kila walking away from Piras as Lidon had?

Piras made himself stop guessing.I’m letting Kila’s notions that I haven’t gotten over Lidon fuck with my head. What does it matter anyway?

It did matter though. It mattered too damned much. All at once, Piras wanted to run away from Lidon, to get away from him as fast as possible. He didn’t want to face such questions.

Lidon was studying him again, with that same quizzical-concerned expression. Piras realized he’d been standing there staring for several seconds as he fought his internal battle.

He shook himself with a weak laugh. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my plate. How are things with Global Security?”

Lidon’s tone was light, but his piercing stare never wavered. “Demanding, but probably less so than with the fleet. I heard about Admiral Banrid. It must have been shocking to discover he was a traitor.”

Piras thought of the day’s activities. His own espionage was on behalf of the Empire, but when it came out, Lidon would believe it was the real thing. And for Piras to act against the place where they’d met? What would Lidon think of that?

“Piras?”

The Dramok came back to the present moment. He silently cursed himself to see outright disquiet filling Lidon’s face.

Damn it, focus! You’re doing a shitty job of this spy thing, getting lost in a simple conversation. Wake up, dumbass!

It was a berating he might have given an underling, although he would have delivered it at the top of his lungs and maybe with a decent smack to the head.

He rubbed his eyes, playing up his very real mental exhaustion. “The whole damned war is shocking. I’d like to meet the man who can wrap his head around this madness and not go a little crazy.”

Lidon took a step closer, close enough that Piras could feel the heat from his body. The Nobek’s alarmed face filled his vision. “This is not like you. Are you all right, Piras?”

The overt worry shook the Dramok. Maybe Lidon didn’t love him anymore. Maybe he never had. Yet it was clear that whatever had gone wrong between them, Lidon still cared. Fierce protector that he was, he looked ready to come to Piras’s rescue.

Hurt welled in his chest, bubbling up to his throat, ready to be voiced. Piras wasn’t certain what words would erupt from that thick ball of pain, but it was coming out. He couldn’t stop it.

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