“I think she was doing that, kind of downplaying what Liam was feeling. He was the oldest and tended to take on more responsibility and shit anyway, and I think he wanted to live up to mom’s expectations. I think writing music helped him a lot, because he could put all those emotions into the words and the music itself and I think that helped him heal. But he also…self-medicated.”
Scarlett’s voice was soft. “Drugs? Alcohol?”
“Yeah. Both.” It was far too early for Kyle to tell her that he’d been roped in as well. His own personal pain had seemed insignificant compared to what his brother had had to endure throughout his life, but Liam had seemed to find a cure for them both.
Until the cure had become the new pain.
“When he died of an overdose, something inside my mom died too. It’s not that she doesn’t love me and Cassie, but it wasn’t hard to see that the sun rose and set on Liam with her. I know it would have hurt her no matter what, but I think she would have handled losing me or Cass easier.” It sure as hell didn’t help that she partially blamed Kyle for Liam’s death.
Scarlett’s hand moved up to his shoulder and she gave him a gentle squeeze. “I hope that’s not true.”
Kyle had long given up hope. “I don’t know.”
“She probably just needs a long time to process. They say everyone grieves differently—and you already know I’m still mourning the loss of my parents…and that’s been a long time.”
“That’s different.”
“I guess.”
They were quiet for a while and Kyle realized he was starting to feel drowsy, almost hypnotized by the steadily falling snow. It was coming down more slowly now, seeming to drift to the ground rather than rush. Finally, though, as he processed Scarlett’s words, he said, “You might be right. Maybe she needs more time.”
“When did he pass?”
“Last summer. Like a year and a half ago.”
“Oh.” She didn’t say more than that, but the way she said it hit him with force…it reallyhadn’tbeen that long ago, not when you considered his mother’s age and how long she’d had Liam up to that point. But what Scarlett said next really drove it home. “How areyouhandling his loss?”
Just being asked brought tears to his eyes, but he fought them back. He’d cried long and hard, mostly in his therapist’s office or alone in his room. That hole in his heart would always be there, but he’d discovered over the last few months that as he cherished the memories he had of his brother, the edges had started to fill in just a little bit.
All Kyle could do was nod, letting Scarlett know that he was nowhere near over the loss of his brother. She gently kissed his chest and began rubbing his shoulder with her fingertips again. As one lone tear escaped, her words pierced his heart and opened his eyes: ifhewas still hurting from Liam’s death, of course, his mother would still be hurting. While that didn’t lower the huge wall between them, the one she’d erected when she’daccused him of having a hand in Liam’s death, it at least allowed Kyle to see things better from her perspective.
Pulling Scarlett closer, he kissed the top of her head. “You’re pretty fuckin’ smart.”
“Not really.”
“You are.” It wasn’t long before he finally gave into sleep. The last thought he had before losing consciousness was that he knew he was falling in love with the woman in his arms.
CHAPTER 17
Scarlett stood at the stove, cracking eggs into a bowl. The coffee pot hissed and sputtered as it finished pushing out the last of the water to flow over the grounds, filling the tiny apartment with morning smells. It was actually close to noon, and Scarlett couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so peacefully, despite her bedroom feeling colder than ever before.
It was because of Kyle.
Moments later, he stepped out of the bathroom, wearing his jeans and socks. He’d obviously finger-combed his hair and splashed water on his face. “I hope you don’t mind—I used a little toothpaste and rubbed it all over my teeth.”
“Yeah, no problem. Want some coffee?”
“You’re speaking my language.” From head to toe and every word from his mouth, Kyle was even cuter this morning than he’d been last night. And today she could see his tattoos better—but she didn’t want to stare. After all, they’d only been intimate once, last night for the first time.
“Um…coffee cups are here,” she said, pointing to one of the few tiny cabinets next to the stove.
“Thanks.” As Kyle began pouring coffee, he said, “Sun’s out.”
“Yeah.” But considering she hadn’t yet bought snow boots, a walk was out of the question.
“I’ll get out of your hair pretty soon here.”
“No hurry—unless you need to be somewhere. I’m making breakfast.”