Page 85 of Verses

If he wasn’t willing to even consider the possibility of us being together, there was no fucking way I would tell him about all the shit I’d had to survive just to make it to adulthood. “It doesn’t matter. These are just excuses. What’s therealreason why you’re pushing me away?”

The waiter stopped by the table and put a receipt on the table. “I’ll cash you out whenever you’re ready.”

Wolf picked it up and examined it as if it was the most important paper ever written. But then he looked up at me. “The other night, Hayley. It was a moment of weakness. To keep the band strong, we need to stay professional—and that means hands off.”

This time, my voice was low. Not only was I hurt, but I was also embarrassed and I felt ashamed, like I shouldn’t have even thought about him in that way. So, of course, I lashed out. Almost like a growl, I said, “That’s bullshit.”

“It’s not. If we’d met twenty years ago, I promise I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.”

“Oh.So it’s okay to be cynical if you’re the same age? You don’t even make sense.”

Wolf started pulling bills out of his wallet, probably uncomfortable that I wasn’t just being a good little girl and taking no for an answer. “That’s not it. I’ve been around the block a few times. I’ve been married twice—and both times it ended because I’m a shitty partner.”

I was tired of being reminded of that.

As he put his wallet back in his pocket, he said, “I care too much about you to inflict me on you.”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “You’ve said that before—but that’s not fair. You’re not letting me make my own decision.”

“You can decide, like me, that we can be friends.Greatfriends. You’re an amazing woman, Hayley, and you’ll make some man very happy someday. You’re creative and hopeful and a good songwriter. You’ve got a great voice. But I’m not the guy for you. And the sooner you realize that, the happier you’ll be.”

God, I wanted to be angry. I wanted to scream and rage…but I was too disappointed—and I was working hard to not cry. “Fine.”

“Don’t—”

I stuck a finger in the air. “No,youdon’t.” With that, I stood up and walked through the restaurant. I was done talking.

I knew I was probably going to have to walk the six or seven miles home to Charlotte in the falling snow, but I could also walk about a mile or two in the other direction to Burger King to catch a ride home with Kyle in the early morning. I didn’t want to do either, but I wasn’t about to back down now.

By the time I got outside and stepped into the parking lot, Wolf caught up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “We don’t have to talk anymore, but at least let me give you a ride home.”

I let a long sigh out of my nostrils, but I’d stopped walking. Still, I wasn’t going to say anything.

Wolf came around so that he stood in front of me. “You’ll understand sometime, bird.” The way he stroked my cheek with his finger triggered the tears to start falling and he pulled me into his chest.

Why was the man who hurt me comforting me for the pain he caused? And how could we—how couldI—get past this? I knew I had to, though, or my band might not survive.

But I had no idea how to move forward…until I came up with a plan that seemed foolproof. Envisioning what I would do next helped me survive the ride without crying more, but it made it hard to go to sleep later in my lonely bed.

CHAPTER 24

Because Wolf had spurned me yet again, I was going to make him regret it in any and every way I could. He didn’t want me? Then I wanted him to know what he was missing.

Unfortunately, he didn’t come watch me at Sunday night karaoke, so I couldn’t put the first part of my plan into action. I was wearing less clothing than I did usually, and I figured if I flirted with male audience members, even getting off the stage to sing directly to them, I could make him jealous.

Instead, I had to wait until practice on Monday. But that was fine. Since Monday was one of my days off from work, I had all day to get ready. And, unlike karaoke, Iknewhe’d be at practice.

I started with looking over my wardrobe, settling on a t-shirt I’d only ever worn once: one that bared my midriff, reminding me that, at one time, I’d contemplated getting my navel pierced.

But I decided to do more. I took a pair of scissors to cut at the hem of the shirt and then ripped it off, making it even shorter, and I wasn’t going to wear a bra either. And that meant I’d get to show off my new tattoo…among other things.

Then I dug through a drawer of old jeans that were ripped and shredded. Sometimes in the summer I liked to wear them onstage. I took the scissors to the rattiest pair, turning them into cutoff shorts. After I cut off the legs, I tried them on and then decided to make them shorter. Once my ass cheeks were almost hanging out, I was happy.

Next was my makeup. I wore it lots darker and then teased my hair so it looked a little messy.

Black combat boots and some jewelry finished the look.

Perfect.

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