Page 7 of Verses

The bars, however, were in plain sight.

Not surprisingly, there were only two barsnotlocated on Main Street, but they were on Petroleum Avenue, the other major road cutting through town perpendicular to Main, a state highway connecting several mining towns on a stretch of about a hundred miles. Peppered among them were a bunch of antique shops, one-off stores, and a couple of restaurants.

Although Charlotte wasn’t the only town I’d ever lived in, I’d grown to love it and think of it as my home.

It was close to midnight now and, probably anywhere else, I’d be scared walking alone down the street this late at night by myself, especially without shoes or a bra. But not here. Since my mother had moved here before I started high school, this place had felt like home—and I felt so safe, I probably wouldn’t have been scared to sleep with my door unlocked. My mom had lived in Pueblo for a few years and I’d never felt safe in our neighborhood, not even in the daytime, not even with the doors locked tight.

Here felt completely safe, even now. But maybe that was just because I was so damn mad at Kyle, nothing could faze me.

Less than a block away from the apartment, though, my anger turned inward as I started to question myself and my decisions, all while wondering if I was really so different from my mom. She’d had her fair share of boyfriends and husbands, and looking back I wondered why certain ones merited the piece of paper.

They were probably the ones who’d bothered proposing.

One thing Ididknow was that, despite how many partners she’d had, she was faithful when in the relationship. I couldn’t say that for all the guys. Over the years, she’d actually managed to luck into a good guy or two. But one thing I knew for certain: my mom felt like she always had to have a guy in her life…and I was starting to wonder if I was the same way.

Because, even though I loved Kyle and we’d had good times in the past, things were clearly not working and hadn’t been for a long time, even before Liam’s untimely demise. Why did we fight all the time and yet I still felt like I needed him? Like I couldn’t go on without him? There was nothing healthy about that mentality.

Damn…my feet were absorbing all the cold from the sidewalk, so much so that the occasional pebble didn’t hurt as much. Now two blocks away from the apartment, I pondered my options. If I crossed the street and walked another block and a half, I’d wind up back at The Apothecary.

Christ. Did I really want to go in there looking like this?

Before I could contemplate further, though, a familiar car turned onto the side street before I stepped off the sidewalk. It was Kyle’s ancient blue Charger. The car had seen better days, but Kyle could barely afford to keep it repaired, much less save up for something newer. That was one of the things we used to talk about at night after practice—what car we’d buy when we became rich and famous.

Back when times were better.

I considered turning around and walking away but that would only prolong the inevitable.

Leaning over, Kyle rolled down the manual window on the passenger side. “Hey…sorry for being a dick. Get in.” Feeling stubborn, I tightened the arms already crossed over my chest in an effort to keep warm but I didn’t say a word or even take a step. Instead, I just stared at him, trying to decide if I was ready. “C’mon, Hayl. I just want to talk.”

At least he’d apologized. With a nod, I stepped off the sidewalk and onto the asphalt as Kyle opened the door from the inside, pushing it so the gap widened. I pulled on the door, opening it the rest of the way, and slid in.

It was no warmer in there, though.

“Do you wanna go somewhere?”

“No. Just home.” To the apartment I’d just left…but it wasn’t like we could go somewhere else. Between the two of us, we probably had all of fifteen dollars—and even though Silver City had a McDonald’s, it was seven miles away and probably closed already.

Without a word, Kyle drove down the side street and around the block before arriving back on Main. Traffic at this hour was next to non-existent, even though the bars still had plenty of people keeping the lights on. Just a few minutes later, Kyle was parking his car in the gravel lot beside the apartments and we got out.

The gravel cut at my feet but I wasn’t about to complain.

In silence, we walked to the front of the building, up the stairs, and into our apartment. We’d had fights in the past where I’d done the same thing, storming off until I could cool down, only to have to bang on the door to be let back in and Kyle so mad, he wouldn’t get off his ass. Liam let me in, though.

There were so many areas of our lives that Liam had touched. No wonder we didn’t know how to move forward without him.

I still hadn’t forgiven Kyle after our argument, even though I understood he was hurting and having a hard time trying to be a good guy. So I sat on the striped sofa that I had a hard time believing had ever been fashionable, crossed my arms, and stared at my knees. When Kyle sat beside me, I said, “Okay, talk.”

“Tell me whatyouthought of tonight’s rehearsal.”

Trying to let go of trapped emotion with a long sigh, I forced myself to be soft and kind but honest. “I don’t think we flat-outsucked. We just need a ton of practice…like when we first started, you know? We’re finding our way in the dark, trying to figure out what works and how to play without Liam. And we’ll get there.”

“But we won’t. Don’t you see that?” I had to give Kyle credit. At least he’d let go of all the vitriol he’d been spewing earlier in the bar…and I hoped that didn’t mean he was high on something. Maybe it was just the beer he’d pounded a bit ago helping him mellow out.

Still, I needed to challenge him, because he was wrong. “Why not?”

“Because our band’s soul is missing. It died with Liam.”

“No. Liam will always be with us. In spirit. In his words. In our hearts.”

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