Page 60 of Verses

It was me—me and my younger siblings, we were the ones who carried the scars. And scars made it impossible to erase history.

And that was why I was still thinking about it long after mom changed the subject and even after we hung up. All she’d done was bring old shit to the surface, reminding me again that my past was inescapable.

On the Fridaynight after Thanksgiving, the band decided to practice as if we were performing for an audience. Since we’d taken Thursday off, we wanted to make up that missed time. Thanksgiving had been fairly low key, and Kyle and I had gone to his mother’s house.

But I realized it wasn’t the same now that Kyle and I were roommates rather than boyfriend/ girlfriend. It was almost awkward. And there was a heavy air hanging over. We were all thinking about Liam, but nobody said anything out loud. I was just glad that Kyle’s mom had seemed to treat her son a little more civilly.

It was good to be back with the band.

As we were setting up, I said, “So who here has a turkey hangover?”

“Dude,” Pedro said, “Adrian’s mom makes the best fucking turkey—and stuffing and mashed potatoes. Don’t I look like a stuffed turkey?” He puffed out his stomach, rubbing it, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. I knew how hard he worked for what littlemuscle he had. In high school, he’d been thin and wiry, and he’d put a lot of effort into looking strong.

Adrian said, “You definitely look like a turkey.”

We all laughed hard—not that his joke was that funny, but that Adrian had been the one making it. It made it all the more hilarious.

He added, “And you forgot the best part. My mom’s pies are the best. Pumpkin, lemon meringue, pecan.”

“And mincemeat. Dude, did you know you could have a sweet pie made out of real meat?”

I grimaced. “Really?”

Pedro nodded. “What about you guys? How was everything at Kyle’s house?”

Kyle had been tuning his guitar, but he looked up. “It was okay, but I really wonder if my mom will ever be the same. I mean…she put on a happy face, but you could tell it was an act. Don’t you think so, Hayl?”

I was almost shocked that Kyle was asking my opinion. We’d had an uneasy truce where Kyle made a better effort to clean up after himself and I kept my mouth shut. In fact, yesterday was the first time we’d said more than five words to each other.

But maybe that was as good as things would be with us from here on out.

I said, “Yeah, I know what you mean. She did a great job with the food, but…you could feel her sadness, you know?”

“Exactly. But…I kind of felt like anything else would have dishonored Liam.”

Oh.But how long did he feel that they had to mourn? Those words were a reminder of just how much he tormented himself.

How much he still blamed himself.

Wolf chimed in, his voice soft. “Maybe spending that time together was a healing moment for your family.”

Kyle said, “Maybe,” but his tone sounded unconvinced, especially since he started turning a peg on his guitar again.

“What aboutyou, old man?” Pedro asked. “How was your turkey day?”

“Quiet.”

And that word made us all resemble it for the space of a few seconds—until Pedro pushed. “I guess that’s good—but didn’t you watch any football games? Eat a feast? What the hell did you do yesterday?”

“I took it easy for a change. I know a hyper kid like you can’t understand that, Pedro, but I relaxed.”

Pedro started laughing. “That’s fair, dude, buttaking it easycould mean anything. I could take it easy watching a football game.”

Adrian’s next comment made me realize he was starting to feel more comfortable around Wolf. “Bullshit. You don’t even sleep easy.”

All that did was make Pedro laugh harder. “Exactly! So that’s why this concept is so foreign to me. Just put me out of my misery, bro.”

Wolf shook his head, no doubt exasperated at Pedro’s insistence. “I cleaned house, had a few beers, played some music.”

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