Page 43 of Verses

“When?”

“When you were leaving the bar last night.”

He started to reply but stopped himself. And then I saw it all over his face. First, a pained expression. But then it was followed by something close to…peace. “I thought you were just blowing off steam.”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. I needed to approach this from a different angle. “Kyle, tell me something. When is the last time you felt happy in this relationship? I mean, do you even love me anymore? Did you ever love me?”

“What the fuck, Hayley? How could you even think that? Of course, I loved you.”

As soon as the wordlovedwas out of his mouth—notlove, butloved, as in past tense—his eyes grew wide as if he had never admitted it to himself before.

I could have leapt on that and figuratively gut-punched him with that revelation, but I didn’t want to, because even though, as a couple, Kyle and I were over and had been for way longer than just last night, I still cared about him. I would always care about him and would consider him not just a friend, but a good friend, and we’d been through a lot together. I would be an idiot to just throw that all away.

When I touched his arm gently, he didn’t pull away, signaling that he was receptive to my next words. “You used to love me, Kyle. You don’t anymore.” Now for the hardest part. “If you feel the same way I do, you mean so much to me…but that spark, whatever it was we had, is gone.” To myself, I wondered if it had all been an illusion. Maybe we were just two lost souls clinging to each other in the dark, afraid to let go. But it was obvious we weren’t compatible. We weren’t yin and yang. Weweren’t peanut butter and jelly. Instead, we were night and day, oil and water. We would never mix in a harmonious way. I was beginning to feel that Kyle and I were destined to be best friends, but we didn’t work as lovers.

Never had it been more clear since losing Liam.

“Maybe you’re right.”

After saying it out loud, I knew I was, but I didn’t want to push it. “Maybe. Tell me what you’re feeling right now.”

That was the stupidest question…because Kyle was a guy who didn’t talk about his feelings. Instead, he lashed out and raged and broke things. But, for the first time in a long time, he let himself be vulnerable with me. “I just thought it was because I couldn’t get over losing Liam. I thought…”

When his voice drifted off, I said, “It’s okay.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Hayley.”

“You’re won’t…but you and I, we’ve been hurting each other for a long time. I don’t know if it’s been our way of coping with losing Liam or something else. But I do know we’ve been taking our shit out on each other for a while now…and I don’t want to do that anymore. I care about you deeply, even though I’m starting to feel like we don’t belong together. I care about you, and I care about what happens to you and I want you to be okay.”

Without saying a word, he pulled me into an embrace and held me close. I started crying, unable to stop.

We stood like that for a long time until I noticed how my tears felt cold against my exposed cheek, the one not resting against Kyle’s chest. But somehow I felt like I was finally healing.

When he finally let me go, he cupped my cheeks in his hands. And it was then that I saw that he had been crying too. “Just make me one promise, Hayl. I think maybe you’re right…that we do work better as friends, but make me a promise.”

“Yeah. What?”

“Don’t settle for some asshole who promises you the world. You’re worth more than that, Hayley Young. You’re always talking about diamonds in the rough, and if I’ve ever known anybody who was that, it’s you. I’m sorry I’ve treated you like shit, sorry I’ve taken all my bullshit out on you. You’re worth more than that.”

“It’s okay, Kyle.”

“It’s not okay, but I just don’t know any better way to be right now.”

I frowned, wishing he wouldn’t be so damned hard on himself. “You’re gonna be okay.”

He nodded, pressing his forehead into mine like he used to when we thought the world was our oyster. “I guess I should probably let you get back to work.”

“And I guess you probably need to get some rest, considering you’re a big bad ass Shift Lead nowadays.”

“TeamLead, Hayley. Get that shit right.”

I laughed, enjoying the glimmer of the old Kyle, the Kyle I had once been madly in love with—or at least had thought I was. “I’ll see you at practice tonight.”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”

“You picked some good songs.”

“So did you, Hayl. We’re gonna rock that shit, baby.”

---