Page 41 of Verses

Surely, that meant that breaking up with Kyle was a good move.

My tears stopped falling shortly after as I pondered my next step.

Where the hell would I go? Or should it be Kyle who left?

I knew those were impossible questions. Even though he had managed to keep his job and even earn a promotion, I knew I couldn’t afford the apartment by myself…and, unless Kyle was making a shit-ton more in his new position than he had before, he couldn’t either.

Hell, we’d barely been able to afford it with Liam as a roommate.

There was his empty room, though…and the question became if I should move over there—or if Kyle should.

The guys in my band evidently thought I was a cold-hearted bitch, so the easy thing to do would be to act the part, toting all of Kyle’s shit over there and letting him figure it out. But I knew that would be cruel. Putting his shit in the room where his brother had died would ensure there would be no moving forward.

And, even though I knew I no longer wanted to call Kyle my boyfriend, he was an integral part of this band.

He mattered…and I still cared about him.

But did I have the energy to move all my things tonight?

That didn’t matter. I didn’t have a choice, because I sure as hell couldn’t do this anymore.

Removing my jacket and pulling a Coke out of the fridge, I walked over to Liam’s bedroom door and stood in front of it for several seconds, just staring at it. The Harley Davidson sticker he’d slapped on it our first day there still clung to the painted wood.

Closing my eyes, I touched the doorknob with my empty hand…and slowly rotated it until the door opened without effort.

I’d expected that space to smell like Liam—or like smoke. Maybe I’d also thought I’d find something of his in there—but Kyle’s mom had done a good job cleaning it out. I felt a little relief knowing Liam hadn’t died in the bed…because I couldn’t have slept on it.

It was hard enough being in there.

But I walked around the room, almost feeling the presence of our former band member…of Kyle’s beloved brother. I sat on the bed, overcome with sudden inspiration.

If anybody had walked in on me at that moment, they probably would have thought I was crazy.

“Hey, Liam. I’m really sorry—about everything. And…I hope you’re at peace, wherever you are. I know…” But my voice faded as I realized I didn’t actually know shit. Liam had always seemed like he’d carried some sort of burden, some gigantic fucking albatross on his shoulders…and I’d quietly wondered a time or two if he’d intentionally overdosed.

But if I was truly talking to the dead man’s spirit, I wasn’t going to say any of that.

“I hope it’s okay if I move here. I don’t mean any disrespect…but Kyle and I just can’t get along anymore. And I can’t leave. I can’t afford a new place to live, so I have to make it work.” A tear dropped on my arm and I wiped my cheek. “Anyway…we miss you. I hope you’re at peace, friend.”

Had Liam really been a friend? Well…he hadn’t been a foe. Even though the only thing we’d had in common was a love of hard rock music, I’d felt like we were closer than I was with Pedro or Adrian.

Of course, I’d been living with Kyle and Liam since I’d moved into their home back in high school. So, in a lot of ways, he was like a brother. And I felt his absence every day—maybe not asacutely as Kyle, but it was impossible to pretend Liam wasn’t gone.

Forcing myself to stand up, I went into the bedroom I’d shared with Kyle until now. Starting at the closet, I took my clothes from there and moved them to Liam’s—nowmy—closet. An hour later, and I had all my things moved there.

But I still felt weird being in that room. Would I be able to sleep?

The bed was the last thing I had to do, so I went back to the other bedroom one last time, taking my pillow off the bed and grabbing the extra set of sheets from the top dresser drawer. After I made the bed, I went to the kitchen and found a candle I’d stored under the sink, one that smelled like sugar cookies. I lit it and placed it in the bedroom, still questioning if the move was a good idea.

It didn’t matter. My only other option would be to sleep on the couch—but I didn’t want to do that.

After brushing my teeth and putting on a pair of warm pajamas, I went back in my old room one more time—because I also needed a blanket. It was too cold now to sleep without one, and we couldn’t afford to crank the heat. I left the comforter on the old bed, though, so Kyle would have something to keep him warm too.

Long after I’d turned off the light, I found myself wide awake. My brain thought of Wolf more than once, but I knew that just because Kyle and I were through didn’t mean anything would happen between me and Wolf.

But that door was now wide open…and I’d be walking through it before I realized what I was doing.

It wasten o’clock the next morning when Kyle walked into Early Rise.