Page 35 of Verses

Now, I knewhewas the reason I was damaged. But it was something I tried not to think about.

Couldn’tthink about. At least Ashley, my sister, had escaped unscathed—I’d made sure of that. And I knew Phil would never do anything to her, even if she’d been smaller and less able of taking care of herself nowadays.

But why the fuck I woke up thinking about Jeff’s nasty breath in my face was beyond me. And even long after I’d been at work, that image kept haunting me.

Fucking nasty old asshole. After mom had become pregnant with my little brother, he’d ditched us all…but I’d never slept the same since.

It was better now that I was older, but I had no idea how to keep the dreams at bay. They seemed to get worse when I was stressed out.

And Kyle had me stressed. He still wasn’t home when I left for work. Was he getting high? Was he fucking around on me? Was he just sick of being around me?

I had no idea, but I did know I was done.

When I got home from work, he was there, sleeping on the couch. Just seeing him there, his mouth slightly ajar, looking almost peaceful, I wanted to shake him awake, ask him if he knew what he was doing to me.

But I wasn’t going to.

Instead, I got in the shower and washed off the coffee scents of Early Rise. There were still remnants of that stupid dream about Jeff. Today, I could barely even remember what he actually looked like, and mom didn’t have any pictures, at least none that she’d ever left out. I could remember his overgrown mustache—and maybe his hair had been thinning, but I didn’t trust my memory. If he showed up today, I knew I’d recognize him…but, until then, I wanted him to get the fuck out of my head.

It was then that my thoughts turned back to Wolf. There was something about the guy that made me feel safe, protected, warm. Although I’d loved Kyle at one time—and he’d rescued me in a way—I’d never felt that way with him.

And why the hell did Wolf make me feel that way anyway? He’d never actually done anything to inspire that kind of confidence.

Maybe it was just the guy he was.

Getting out of the shower, I toweled off quickly, grateful that the water had at least stayed warm while I’d been in there—but my arms were covered in goosebumps as I wrapped the towel around my head, donning the robe I’d brought with me.

When I got out, Kyle was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette.

“What the hell, Kyle? You’re not supposed to smoke in here.”

“Says who?”

“We agreed!”

“Yeah…a long time ago.”

“It doesn’t matterwhen. We haven’t agreed to anything else. Your fucking cigarettes stink.” They reminded me of my mom’s house—and Kyle’s mom’s place, for that matter—but we’d decided when we’d moved in that smoking would be done outside.

Illicit drugs aside…but Kyle and Liam had only done that in Liam’s room.

“They only stink ‘cause you don’t smoke.”

“You’re being selfish.”

“No,you’rebeing fucking selfish, Hayley. I have a hangover the size of Texas and I can feel my heart beating in my forehead. So shut the hell up, okay? I’ll smoke the next one outside if you’ll shut up about it.”

At least he was flicking his ashes in a Coke can instead of elsewhere.

Gritting my teeth, I entered the bedroom and sat on the bed. Where the hell were all these fucking tears coming from?

Kyle didn’t deserve them.

He was suffering…I knew that in my bones. But I was tired of him hurting me by not giving a shit. We’d never been hearts and roses like some of my high school girlfriends and their guys, but it felt like Kyle and I were just grasping at thin straws, trying to make something out of nothing.

Had loveeverexisted—or had it just been my desperation creating something out of thin air? I no longer knew…but I knew Kyle and I couldn’t last this way. It was a miracle we had this long.

After I was dressed, I headed back to the bathroom. Although Kyle had put out his cigarette, smoke hung in the air like a rank perfume. I said, “Can we talk later?”

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