Page 168 of Verses

“No. You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Wolf. That’s not the way it works.”

“I know that. Believe me, I know. And when I thought about the two of you back together…or even you with that guy who bought you a drink at the big practice a few weeks ago…it made me realize that I don’t want to give you up. I was a bad boyfriend to you.” He stopped walking and, when I realized it, I turned toface him. “There’s something about you, songbird. It makes me want to be a better man than I’ve ever been before. You have a way of looking at the world that nobody else I’ve ever met does. You’re thoughtful and caring. You’re creative; you’re beautiful; and I was a fucking idiot to let my history rule the present, knowing you’renotlike the women previously in my life.”

Those words should have sounded as sweet as the lattes I served my customers.

“I need you in my life, Hayley. And if I’ve ruined it with you, I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore…but if you’ll let me try, I will spend my life making it up to you.”

No longer could I hold the tears back, but the words were stuck in my throat.

“I’m sorry. Hayley Young, I love you.”

“No. Stop right there.”Ah…there were my words. And I let them fly out of my mouth, unfettered. “All this has made me realize that this is the kind of shit I deserve. Ignoring me, making me feel like I don’t matter…that’s the way I should expect to be treated, and I just need to get used to it.” As the tears kept falling, my nose joined suit, and I wiped my sleeve across my face.

“What the hell?”

“I’m done talking,” I said, forcing myself to stop crying. “But thank you for the apology. Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the candy. But,” I said, walking again toward the Early Rise whose hanging sign was in sight, “you can keep them.” He kept pace with me, but I didn’t dare look at him. “I’m glad you agreed to be in our band because you have made us better. But I’m not going to press my luck. If I can have a successful band, I’m not going to jinx it with trying to be happy. So you don’t need to try to be better. You don’t need to try to change. Let’s keep things where they stand now and work hard to get our band known.”Finally, I was in front of Early Rise and all I had to do was pull the handle to walk in.

“Hayley, stop. Think about it.”

“No, Wolf. I just can’t.” I’d already determined that I would either be alone or be in a shitty relationship. Alone sounded pretty fucking good. Suddenly, I remembered Wolf making me promise to leave him when I was tired of being treated like shit. God, how stupid I’d been. I should have had Claire tattoo that shit on my arm. “If you want some coffee, I can give you one on the house…but I gotta get back to work.” I wiped under my eyes again, suspecting that a lot of my makeup had run.

When I looked directly at Wolf, I felt like such an asshole. I hadn’t meant to hurt him back, but I needed to end all this emotional bullshit. I didn’t want to hurt anymore, so I ripped off the fucking Band-Aid. I knew that always in the back of my mind, I believed I deserved to be treated like garbage. Maybe that was what I deserved, but I didn’t want to play that fucking game anymore. From here on out, I’d either be alone or do what Claire did—have a quick, dirty relationship and move on.

I couldn’t be a doormat anymore.

I had the band—and that was all that really mattered in my life, and it was where I was going to put my focus from this point forward.

Music would never let me down.

CHAPTER 47

As if my mood weren’t bad enough, my mother called the next afternoon. I hadn’t been thinking when I answered—but it didn’t matter. If I’d put it off and let it go to voicemail, she would have kept calling regularly until I got back with her.

It was better to get it over with.

“Hayley Marie, have you been avoiding me?”

“What do you mean? I just picked up the phone.”

“I called you twice last week and you never called me back.”

“You didn’t leave a voicemail, so I didn’t think it was important.”

The sound of her scoff told me she was irritated—but that she’d get over it. “It’salwaysimportant when your mother calls.”

I could argue with her all day, but I didn’t want to. “I was at work one of the times you called and at band practice the other.” But that didn’t ultimately matter. I was simply prolonging this conversation. “What’s up?”

“Well…I wanted you to mark your calendar. Your father and I are going to be away the second week in February.”

“What do you meanaway?”

“He’s taking me on a cruise to Mexico!”

“Oh. Okay.” On some level, I was happy for her, because, despite her hard life, she deserved something nice.

Just that thought tickled something in the back of my brain—but I pushed it back.

“Okay?That’s all you have to say?”

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