Page 164 of Verses

After crying myself to sleep,wondering what had changed with Wolf—especially after Kyle filled my head with all those ideas—I decided I needed to confirm what had happened with the man himself. I couldn’t just let the sleeping dog lie.

Even though I’d told Wolf I was taking a break from us, pondering his treatment of me that led to that decision continued to gnaw at me. So, after rehearsal the next day, I toldhim, “We need to talk.” As he searched my eyes, I continued. “We can do it now or we can do it after you get off work. We can do it tomorrow if you’d rather. You can come by Early Rise and I can spend my lunch break with you—but we need to talk.”

There was so much I wanted to say. But, deep down, I wondered if he wanted to treat me like Kyle used to. And I remembered my mother’s mantra—that the fighting was how she knew the relationship was good.

But I didn’t want to fight. I wanted to know what had turned Wolf into somebody else.

When he finally spoke, his voice felt like ice. “Go home, Hayley.”

“Not until I get some answers.”

“I thought I was clear when I told you I need time to myself. Forcing a conversation won’t magically make things better.”

I dug in my heels. “I needsomething, Wolf. You just started shutting me out without any explanation—so I’m not going home until you at least talk or tell me when you’ll be ready to.”

He shook his head, putting glasses away as if to tell meconversation over.

“Here’s the thing: if you want to break up with me, that’s fine. Or if you just wanted to use me and toss me aside, that’s fine. If you’re seeing somebody else, that’s fine. I just want to know. Ineedto know!”

Jesus. Even to my own ears, I sounded like a crazy woman.

“Notnow, Hayley. Go home.”

Had he sounded angry, I would have dropped it. Still, the rejection felt like a hollow space inside my chest and I felt the sting of tears in my upper nose.

At least he wound up throwing me a bone. “We can talk later this week. What about Saturday afternoon?”

Unable to stop myself, I started crying. I still wanted to force the issue, but my emotions weren’t going to let me speak coherently. “Fine.”

Finally, I saw something in his eyes. Maybe he felt bad for making me cry or for not being honest. There wassomethingthere. And Saturday, we were going to have it out.

As soon as that thought popped in my head, I thought,Oh, my God. I reallyambecoming my mother.

How the fuck had that even happened?

CHAPTER 46

On Saturday, Wolf sent me a text.I need more time, little bird. I hope you understand. Let’s talk next week.

My chest filled with rage and I screamed into my pillow. What the hell did he need time for?Goddammit!It was just like when he’d kept putting me off in the first place. I wanted to start throwing things around the apartment to have the satisfaction of breaking them. Somehow, I knew I’d feel better—at least temporarily until I had to clean up while wondering if I had enough money to buy new plates.

Again, though, it dawned on me how that would have been my mother’s first reaction. I didn’t like how much my actions were mirroring her past ones.

Instead of destroying everything in the apartment, I decided to take a walk. I wore a light jacket but realized once I was outside that I hadn’t even needed it. As I walked around, I noticed the trees had tiny buds on them, and I saw robins on branches, lawns, and sidewalks, working hard to create their homes.

I tried to accept the fact that Wolf and I were over. For good. After the way he treated me the night before, there was nodenying it now. My heart wanted to cling to the delusion but my head knew better.

I also knew, deep inside, that I shouldn’t have expected anything other than that. I knew better than to believe I deserved real love—and I probably should have been grateful that at least I had a thriving band. More than that, Kyle and I were forming a real friendship. Those were the things I needed to take comfort in.

I’d walked halfway down Main when I took a right turn on Petroleum and saw Sal’s. When was the last time I’d sung karaoke? It had been quite a while, because I’d been spending my free time with Wolf.

And then it dawned on me: maybe this was better, the way I was right here, right now. I’d been losing myself in Wolf. I’d stopped all my extracurricular singing, and even though I’d started to learn how to read music, I hadn’t been immersed in my role as the band’s vocalist like I should have been.

I had to rededicate myself to my profession.

It would be okay. I could be alone. That was the one thing my mother had never tried.

That night, I went to karaoke at Sal’s, and my heart was warmed by several regulars who told me they’d missed me.

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