Page 149 of Verses

We were developing our own sound. Back when Liam had been the unnamed leader of the band, the sound was his. Now it wasours.

And the momentum that seemed to be building made me excited for the future, for the day when we would actually be playing to audiences who weren’t there just overhearing our sometimes-dysfunctional practices. I longed for a day when we’d play a real show with people who’d intentionally come to see us play. The day was almost here and anticipating it gave me an energy and a buoyance I’d never had before.

Kyle and I hadn’t really spoken much since the whole revelation, but I knew he had a lot of shit to work through. I also knew it would change over time. He just needed to work through it and process it like he did everything. The fact that he was in therapy gave me hope. My relationship with Kyle had evolved and would get better.

But as the days passed by, Wolf seemed to become distant, and it was nothing I could put my fingers on. I sometimes wondered if it was all in my imagination, because much of the time, things between us seemed normal.

But there were things that made me think the doubts weren’t just my imagination. For instance, unlike before, if I texted him, he wouldn’t text right back. And, although I understood that we had agreed to not touch each other at all in practice, as the days went by, he stopped looking at me like he usually had.

Something wasn’t right.

One night after practice, I stuck around when he had to work like I often did. I decided to ask directly, because I wanted an answer. “Hey, are you mad at me?”

Wolf looked up from the lemon he was slicing. “Why would you think that?”

“Well, you’re just…things feel different somehow.”

“It’s fine, baby.”

But was it? Grilling him wouldn’t produce the results I wanted, so I had to take him at his word. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Yep.” Then he turned his head to the guy who’d sat a couple stools away from me. “What’ll it be?”

I dropped it, but our conversation hadn’t reassured me at all. As I walked back to my apartment that cold night, I tried to figure out exactly what it was that had changed. Was it something I’d done?

It had to be.

You think you’resospecial, don’t you?

Shut the fuck up, Jeff. What the hell was my asshole ex-stepdad’s voice doing in my head?

Oh…but I knew. From the day he’d entered my life at the tender age of seven, he’d learned to ruin my life in so many ways. Today, I wondered if it would have delighted him to know he was still fucking with my head even now.

Shaking my head as if it could throw him out of my thoughts, I tried to shift the focus back to Wolf and me. There was little I could put my finger on that was different, and yet it was as if I was watching him build a wall between us, brick by invisible brick. There was something there, nothing I could definitively say was different and apparently nothing he was willing to admit.

But it gnawed at me like a flea biting my flesh…because I was certain I was right.

CHAPTER 41

Icouldn’t let it drop.

A couple of days later, we were practicing—and, during a break, I talked to Wolf alone. “What’s going on? What have I done wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.”

“Hayley, it’s not you. You’re fine.I’mjust dealing with some shit I need to work through.”

“What shit?”

Pedro came around the corner. “Goddamn, dudes. We are on fucking fire!”

Wolf lowered his voice so that only I could hear. “Nothing. I’m fine. It’ll be fine.”

It was anything but fine—but because he wouldn’t admit it or say anything, there was really nothing I could do about it, so I let it drop.

Valentine’s Day was approaching, and it made me anxious. Not only had Kyle and I not celebrated that day our last year together, but I had no idea what to expect with Wolf—because whatever shit he was “working through” was affecting our relationship.

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