Page 109 of Verses

We all clinked mugs together as if this were the most important toast of our lives, and I looked at each man’s face, noticing that the feeling was mutual. For the first time in ages, we wereallsmiling and happy…and maybe even at peace. There was a good vibe in that room. When was the last time I’d felt this warmth in regard to these guys?

Had Ieverfelt this way about my bandmates?

Just as quickly as it had started, though, the moment passed—but I hoped to hold it in my heart. Wolf said, “Let’s eat.”

As we made our way into the dining room, Pedro asked, “Do we wanna play some video games? Or do we wanna wait till after we stuff our faces?”

“Wecould, but I thought maybe we could play some card games.”

“Cards?”

Wolf sat in the chair at the head of the table. “I know a lot of different card games: Poker, Blackjack, Bullshit, Blitz, Karma, Rummy, Chase the Ace…a few more I’m not thinking of right now, but I can teach you guys any of them if you want to play.”

And we did. I played more games that night than I ever had in my entire life, and I laughed so hard throughout the evening that my belly and cheeks hurt. The entire night wasenjoyable. There was no fighting, no arguing, no getting angry. We were simply laughing and joking and having fun. Maybe we were making it through the healing process and this night was evidence of it.

When it was time to leave, my heart ached. I desperately wanted to stay there with Wolf—but that would have given our secret away, and after having such a great time with my old friends and bandmates, I didn’t want to fuck anything up.

As we were gathering up our food to take home, Wolf slipped me a card. The other three guys were talking at the other side of the kitchen, so Wolf kept his voice low. “Read this later.”

Shit. I instantly felt like an asshole, because I hadn’t gotten him anything. Then again, what he was doing was dangerous and could potentially give us away. Tucking it in the bottom of my bag underneath the bowl of hummus, I quietly thanked him and puckered my lips, as it would be the closest I’d get to kissing this man today.

But I thought about that card on the entire ride back to the apartment. Even though Kyle’s car was cold for almost the entire ride home, it was warm and cozy in my heart.

When I finally snuggled up in bed, I opened the card and started reading.

Hayley,

I knowI’m not always the easiest guy to understand, but you need to know that you’re important to me. I know we agreed to not exchange presents, so I didn’t get you anything, but I would really like it if you would let me fix your car as a Christmas present.

Love,

Wolf

What did that mean,signing it with the wordlove? Did that mean he really loved me or was he just using the familiar closure? That was what I suspected, and I knew it would be stupid to get my hopes up about anything, especially since I was trying to convince myself that it was way too early to be feeling anything like that.

Picking my phone up off the nightstand, I sent him a quick text:Thank you for the card, but you don’t have to fix my car.

He texted back almost immediately.I know. I WANT to. I want to do things to make your life easier.

I lay in the dark reading the message over and over. Just the notion that he wanted to do a kindness for me to “make my life easier” nearly brought me to tears.

He followed it up a few seconds later.Do you have plans for tomorrow?

Christmas alone…unless I wanted to go with Kyle to his family’s place, and even though I cared about them, Thanksgiving had felt a little awkward. So I just told him what was on my mind, aside from the Kyle aspect.I was going to try to visit my family but I can’t because of the car so I guess when you fix it, I’ll just go visit them then.

Hardly any time passed when I got his next message.I’d really like to spend time with you.I was typing a message back when another one from him came through.What if I took you to see your family tomorrow?

I deleted what I’d been typing and instead asked,Are you serious? You would do that for me?

Sure would. Where do they live?

La Junta.I stared at my phone, waiting for his next message to come through. La Junta was over a hundred miles away, sothat might’ve been a deal breaker—and it wouldn’t ruin my day, even though I really wanted to see my little sister and brother.

But his next message made my heart swell.What time do you want to leave, bird?

I was smiling as I typed in my response:Mom usually has a big meal around 1:00.

You want to leave around 10?

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