Page 58 of Totally Off Limits

“Oh, my God, Mickey. I knew you weren’t happy, but I didn’t know you were getting beaten.”

As Mickey let a long sigh flow from his mouth, Sierra felt the fall of his chest, listening to his heart beat before he spoke again. “Only one time he gave me a black eye. That was one summer. He took me camping the next day to make up for it. At least, that was what he said—but now that I’m older, I figure he only did that because he didn’t want anyone to see it.”

“How old were you?”

“Eight or nine, I think. I might have been older, though. He was really nice for a while after that. But it didn’t last. By the time school started again in the fall, I was back to walking on eggshells. And when he hit me after that, it was always in a place that would be covered by clothes.”

“There was no escape.”

“Not true necessarily.”

“What do you mean?” Now Sierra did shift, wanting to see his eyes—but he kept them closed while he continued speaking.

“In PE in the seventh or eighth grade, Mr. Samuels saw bruises on my back and legs and suspected something. He wound up keeping me in his office in the locker room and had somebody come talk to me. I think she was a social worker. But she scared me more than my dad ever could have. She asked me a million really nosy questions but it was like she didn’t give a shit. Why the fuck would I let some weirdo take me away from my home and everything I knew and cared about?”

“What did you do?”

“I lied. I knew kids in foster care, and they had it worse than I ever dreamed. So there was no way I was giving that strange woman what she wanted. I told her I fell down the stairs. And I stuck to my story.”

“What about Sage? Couldn’t you—?”

“Sage’s family hadn’t moved to Winchester yet—which means that had to have happened in the seventh grade. And just having him as a friend helped. I spent a lot of time at his house, with his family. I consider them like my own family, too.”

“So why didn’t you move in with them?”

“I never asked. And they never offered. But, honestly, things got better as I got older…‘cause my dad knew by the time I was a freshman in high school that I could fight back. And even if he might win, I wouldn’t make it worth his while.”

“So why did you move out in high school? Why didn’t you wait till graduation?”

Finally, Mickey opened his eyes, and even though he was talking about shit that should have made him angry, frustrated, and sad, he looked content—at peace, even. “My dad was still an asshole. It wasn’t like he changed his personality. He was a mean drunk, and he took out everything on whoever was closest by. And one day I’d just had enough. I left and never looked back.”

“Did you go to his funeral?”

“I thought about it…but he was already dead to me. And before you think I’m an unforgiving asshole myself…I talked about all this shit with Sage’s mom. She was always easy to talk to and she listened without judgment. Sometimes, she offered advice; sometimes, she just let me get shit off my chest. But when I told her I was never talking to him again, she asked me one simple question: what if he apologized sincerely and said he wanted an adult relationship?” As Sierra slowly nodded her head, he looked down at her hand on his chest. “I resisted that shit for a long time. I didn’t want anything to do with him. But a couple years ago, I grew the fuck up and decided to be a man about the whole thing. I called him and wound up leaving a message on his answering machine.” With a chuckle, he said, “I think he was the only person in the United States who still used one of those antiques. But I told him if he ever wanted to get together to give me a call.”

Mickey grew quiet again and, after a bit, Sierra started moving her hand up his chest once more. “Did he?”

“I kept waiting. For a while, I checked my cell phone every time I had a break. And I don’t know what I expected—but it wasn’t total apathy. I should’ve known, though. In the best of times, that was what I got. Being ignored was better than being beaten.”

Probably better than having your mother meddle in your entire life, too.

“The last time I tried was the last time we were in Winchester. Sage and I were here helping his folks move up to Chipeta Springs. We’d just finished our tour and had some real free time. Anyway, I was here. I felt better about myself than I ever had in my whole life, so nothin’ my dad could ever say would hurt me again, and I decided to try just one more fucking time. It was dumb, because what did I think I’d get out of it? Dumb…but I wanted to understand. I thought if he could explain it to me and I could get it, maybe we could move past it.

“So I walked up to that stupid shack he called a house…and I stood on the fucking porch for, like, five minutes just finding the courage to do it. But as I started to lift my fist to bang on the door, he yelled through it. ‘Still a pussy, Mick. And you look like your fucking whore of a mother. What the hell do you want?’ Well…I might have been a dumb ass for even trying, but I wasn’t going to be a dumb ass anymore. I just shook my head—and I even started to flip him off through the windows…and decided his ass just wasn’t worth it. I walked away without saying shit—and it was bizarre. Before that day, I’d carried that shit like a burden for so long…but when I walked back to Sage’s parents’ house—it was like it just slid off my back.”

“And when he died…you still hadn’t talked to him?”

“Nope. All that time, I still half-expected him to call…but he never did. I would have tried, but he wasn’t interested—so I wasn’t, either.”

“Oh, Mickey, I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t be. Don’t.I’mnot. Life might have started out shitty, but it’s all good now. I mean…look at me now. Famous rock star, the best job in the fucking world. More money than I ever dreamed of having. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever known lying in bed with her gorgeous body pressed up against me.”

“Beautiful?” Sierra said, a scoffing tone in her voice. “I might be a lot of things, but I’m not—”

Mickey pressed his index finger to her lips and his eyes grew soft as they scanned hers. “Don’t you talk shit about the woman I love.”

What?

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