Page 45 of In a Haze

“Where do you need me to start?”

“The very beginning.”

“Man, they fucked with your brain, didn’t they?”

I manage half a smile.

“I was saying I hid the magazine. Well, not really, but I put a bunch of them on the bottom of the end table where nobody ever looks, and I put the one with you and your husband second to last. But just in case it disappears I read the whole thing twice.”

“What did it say?”

“He was elected to the House of Representatives and the article said he was ‘shaking up the house’ by introducing and backing all kinds of radical legislation. They quoted him as saying a lot of it was geared to helping families. They talked about how he’d married you later in life and decided to pursue politics.”

“But he told me yesterday he’s a lawyer.”

“It said he used to be.”

“But why wouldn’t he tell me he’s a politician now?”

“Maybe he’s a dick.”

But why would I have married a dick?

Joe says, “You can read it later if you want.”

I’m finally eating. My appetite is huge now and I’m regaining energy with every bite. I also drink all the water in my cup.

“Do you want me to fill that back up?”

“Yes, please.”

As Joe stands, I make eye contact with Sharon, and she’s almost full-on smiling now. I say, “Thank you so much, Sharon. ItisSharon, right?”

She gives me a brief nod, but she’s busy gnawing on her mashed potatoes.

I’ve just about taken care of all my potatoes as well and starting to work on the Salisbury steak. This is the tastiest food I’ve ever eaten. The savory gravy is lighting up my taste buds, and my stomach is begging for more.

When Joe returns with my water, he says, “Whoa. Slow down, filly. You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

“I’m starving.”

“I know, baby, but you can take your time. They’re not gonna kick us out before you’re done.”

I feel almost awake again, like I had felt yesterday before the shot. I don’t know if the food or water are helping or if maybe the effect of the meds is wearing off, but I’m experiencing hunger like I can’t remember feeling before, and the food tastes amazing. Still, I nod, letting Joe know I got his message.

“Wanna hear my idea?” Again, I nod, shoveling in a spoonful of greens. Joe takes a drink and then says, “Actually, I’ll tell you later.”

Now I pause. “I want to hear now.”

“Finish eating first.” I get ready to protest but then, as I look at him, his eyes move Sharon’s way before focusing back on me and I get the message. What he wants to say needs to be in private.

“Fine.”

“But slow down.”

Then we eat in silence. When my plate is almost clean, Joe asks Sharon if she needs him to fetch her anything else. She actually tells himnoand then begins to slide her tray off the table. Joe says, “Let me get that for you.” At first, something inside me bristles, because I don’t want him takingmytray. I want to do it myself. But Sharon smiles and nods and even tells himthanksbefore backing her wheelchair away from the table.

When Joe returns, he asks, “Ready? Or do you need more to eat?”

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