Page 41 of In a Haze

“Joe?” It takes me a second. “Oh, Joe.”

“How are you?”

“I don’t know. I feel really strange.” Still groggy. Lethargic. Heavy.

“Do you know what happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“After they made me leave your room yesterday, they took you for ECT.”

“ECT?”

“Yeah, shock therapy stuff. Do you remember that?”

“No,” I say, sitting up in bed. I want to ask more questions, but I don’t even know what I want to ask. What Ishouldask.

“They figured out you haven’t been taking your meds.”

“But how?” This starts to come back to me. “I thought I’d been careful.”

“Did you maybe say something to your husband?”

“What? My husband? What are you talking about?”

I feel Joe’s weight as he sits on the bed. “Don’t you remember? You met your husband yesterday.”

“I did?” After a second, I try to sit up, but I’m too tired. “I’m married?”

“You don’t remember any of that?”

“No. What did I say?”

“You just told me you were married and have two kids. Oh, and that you’re here because you tried committing suicide.”

“Idid?”

“Yeah. That’s what you told me.”

This feels so bizarre. Like the other day, I feel like I have a huge hole in my memory—and, based on what Joe’s telling me, I definitely do.

I am so grateful for him right now, but there’s only one way to describe how I feel:mind fucked.

“I’ll let you sleep now. But we’ll talk more tomorrow.” He gets off the bed again. “We might have to be a little more cautious, though. Something’s going on around here.”

Indeed.

*

The next morning, I feel completely out of it. When Rose appears, she is still kind, but she’s accompanied by someone else.

With a cart.

If I had any energy, I’d be afraid.

But I’m too out of it.

The woman with the cart isn’t coming at me with a syringe, though. Instead, she has a cup of pills that she hands to me. I stare for a moment at the sky blue gloves she’s wearing. I like that color.

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