Page 39 of In a Haze

I’ve checked my room and his. The living room. The rec room, of course. I’ve wandered the corridors.

It’s not like there are a lot of places to hide around here.

As I head toward the cafeteria, I find him in the hallway.

When he sees me, Joe asks, “How’d your visit go?”

The first words out of my mouth are “Did you know I was married? I meanammarried. I’m married. Did you know that?”

“You’remarried? No. How the hell would I know that?” His eyes shift to behind me and he lowers his voice. “Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else.”

Ah, yes. I’d been so emotional, I wasn’t hiding anything—and, perhaps, I’m giving myself away once more.

I say, “Let’s go to my room.”

We round the corner, trying not to walk too quickly, and soon we’re standing next to my bed.

“So who was your visitor?”

“My husband.”

“And you had no idea.”

“No. I told you, Joe. I don’t rememberanythingbefore, um…Friday? And I have kids, too.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Two. A boy and a girl.”

“Holy shit.”

I swallow. “You know what I felt like? I don’t know why the hell I rememberthis—but did you ever see someone pull out a tablecloth and all the dishes are still exactly the way they should be?”

“Yeah.”

“Except all my dishes went crashing to the floor. That’s been my day.”

Joe seems introspective now, as this information seems to hit him as it did me earlier. He takes several slow, quiet breaths and then puts his hands on my upper arms, causing me to look in his eyes.

They’re so close.

Those beautiful cobalt eyes. This is the man I feel something intense for, not the polished lawyer back in that room. And yet, knowing I married him, I’ve vowed some sort of commitment to him.

Haven’t I?

Do I still owe him that?

Has he abandoned me here?

“Do you love him?” Joe must have been reading my mind—or else it’s just so obvious on my face.

“I must have at one time, right?”

“Do you love himnow?”

“How can I, Joe? I don’t even know him. But…”

He kisses me on the forehead. “I know.”

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