Page 32 of In a Haze

“What if someone heard us?”

Joe chuckles softly. “They only would have heardyou—and since when is it a crime to masturbate? Nobody knows I’m in here. They’ll just think you’re getting yourself off.”

I nod. I worried about my neighbors, the people in the rooms on the side of mine, but I know Joe is right. And, while I worried about workers passing by, surely they would have already checked if they’d wanted to.

“Okay, I’m setting you down now.” Lifting me off his softening cock, he places my feet on the floor. As I pull up my pants, I feel what he left behind, making my inner thighs wet, and for some reason, I smile, knowing he’ll be with me even after he’s left for the evening.

Taking my hand, he leads me to the bed and we lie down. He holds me close against his chest and, suddenly, I feel very sleepy. “How was that?” he asks me.

Couldn’t he tell? “Amazing. I feel so…different.”

“Good?”

“Oh, yes.”

We’re quiet for a while until I say, “Tell me more about yourself, Joe.” Suddenly, I want to know everything about him—his childhood, his beliefs, his friends outside here, his family, what he wants to do when he’s out. I know we’ve talked about it some, but I want to know everything. Since I know nothing about myself, I need to fill my brain with something I care about.

“Mmm. Tomorrow, okay?” He’s sleepy, too.

“Okay.” After a bit, I ask, “If you can unlock our doors, can you unlock the ones to the offices?”

“Probably. Why?”

“I want to find my file. Maybe that will tell me more about myself. Where I came from. Why I’m here. Who I am.”

“We can try. It’ll take some planning, but we can do that.”

“And I want to seeyourroom.”

“That would take a lot more doing, baby, unlocking a lot of doors and sneaking around.”

“No, I mean during the day. Why haven’t I ever been to your room?”

He laughs. “It looks just like yours—but, sure, I’ll show you tomorrow after breakfast.”

Suddenly, I’m satisfied and I smile, resting my head again.

Then I feel him kissing my forehead and realize I must have fallen asleep. “I have to go back to my room, Anna. Sweet dreams.”

Lifting my head, I kiss him hard, with passion, signaling to him that I do belong to him. My brain tells me maybe I even love him, but I’m not going to say that. And, as I watch him creep out my door, I fall asleep again before my head hits the pillow.

13

She’s fifteen, maybe sixteen, possibly fourteen. I’m not a good judge. It’s especially hard because I’m instead trying to figure out what she wants. With panicking eyes, she begs for my help. And she’s absolutely gorgeous—long blonde hair, ocean blue eyes. Her lips keep moving, but all I can hear is a scream.

A scream that won’t stop.

Gasping, I sit up in bed. My heart is thumping in my chest and not like it was last night with Joe. This comes from pure fear, and I wonder where the heck this dream is coming from. As I willfully try to slow my breathing, I’m reminded of the very first dream I remember—which is the morning I consider to be the day I woke up.

The first thing I remember.

But that dream was different. Although I can barely recall it, I do remember one thing.

It was a different girl.

The girl in my dream this morning feels like a stranger, whereas the one from the other day seemed almost like me. It’s hard to explain, but I hate the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to do for this girl what she needed.

It’s just a dream, I tell myself and then stretch.

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