Page 30 of In a Haze

“I don’t know. I don’t plan to find out.” Then, after he walks in farther, he says, “I need to find a good place to set my tools.”

I start giggling. “Wherever you like.”

“You know I’m gonna have to go back to my room before morning, right?”

I suppose I do know that, but I hadn’t thought much about it until he said something. I refuse to let myself be sad because I have him here with me right now. My life span as I know it has been but a few days, each made up of little moments. His time with me will encompass lots of those—so I can’t complain.

“Oh, I need to move my pills, too.”

“Where do you keep them?”

“Usually under my pillow.” The sound he makes tells me he thinks it’s a bad idea. “But I’ll put them under the bed while you’re here.”

“Put ‘em between the mattress and the box spring.”

“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“And I’ll put my clips there, too. Let me just smooth them out a bit.” In the dark, it’s hard to tell, but he looks like he’s bending them a little. In the meantime, I fetch my pills from under my pillow and slide them under the mattress. I like that idea—especially if I shove them under far enough and I’m rushed in the morning for some reason, I can get them later. If I put them at least as far as the middle, then even if someone were to make the bed, they wouldn’t find them.

Unless, of course, they’re looking for them.

For now, though, I’m not going to worry about it. As usual, Joe has given me an amazing idea. Seconds later, I feel the heat from his body as he joins me, shoving the paperclips under the mattress at the foot of the bed.

“So why don’t you stand up?” he asks. As soon as I do, he takes me in his arms and kisses me passionately. “Do you want to talk a while?”

I do, but we talk all the time. Here, alone, behind a door and in the dark, we can do whatever we like. “Maybe later,” I say coyly, trying to stop being so shy about what I want.

“Okay,” he says, and suddenly he whips me around so that my back is pressed against the wall. At first, it’s disconcerting and maybe even a little frightening, but I find I’m enjoying the change of pace. His arms are around my waist but, as I bring my fingers to his chest, he takes my hands in his. “You don’t need to be embarrassed with me, Anna. You can tell me what you like and what you don’t like.”

“I don’t know. I think I’ve done this before, but—like everything with my life—I don’t know for sure. I can’t remember.”

“Then I guess we’ll play this by ear.” I can feel my heart thudding in my chest as my muscles tighten from head to toe. “Out of all the men you’ve seen here—not just patients, but workers, too—have you found yourself attracted to any particular sort of guy?” I swallow, but before I can answer, he says, “Be honest. You won’t hurt my feelings. It’s dark in here, so you can pretend I’m whoever you want me to be.”

A fleeting thought flies through my mind—what if he plans to do that withme? Pretend I’m someone else? Up close, I breathe in his clean smell, and his muscles feel hard against the soft parts of my body. Hasn’t my attraction been obvious? “You, Joe. You’re the man I want.”

I can hear a smirk in his voice as he says, “I was hoping you’d say that.” He moves his hands to wrap them around my wrists, and then he pulls my arms away from my body, holding them pressed against the wall. Bringing his lips to my ear, he asks, “And why do you suppose that is?”

Should I be frightened? And if so, what have I gotten myself to? No one here knows Joe is in my room, locked in here with me. I am not nearly as strong as he, and I suspect I’m even weaker than I should be, considering I’ve been in a haze for I don’t know how long. It’s possible that I’ve done something very stupid, made myself vulnerable at a time when I don’t have much protection or way to defend myself.

As he shoves his hard body into mine, I question my decision and wonder how I will answer…

12

I swallow again. Yes, I should be frightened, probably out of my mind, but I instead find myself turned on. Deep down, I believe that Joe is going to give me exactly what I need. He repeats himself. “Why do you think, out of all the men here, you chose me?”

When I speak, my voice sounds hoarse rather than shy or submissive, something I hadn’t expected. “I don’t know why. I’m…just drawn to you.” Is it because he was my first friend here? Or because I find him irresistibly gorgeous? Kind yet strong and fearless?

“I have a theory, Anna,” he says, bringing his lips to my ear. His hot breath sends a charge to my nether regions, making everything tighten in delicious anticipation. I might not be an expert, but he’s doing everything right. “I suspect you like bad boys—and you figured that out about me.”

I start to deny it, but the way my pussy clenches at his words, at the growl in his voice, at his heated breath, I know he’s right. A quick breath escapes my mouth but I have no words as he touches my neck with his lips.

Suddenly, my body feels like it’s on fire.

Then he mashes his lips into mine and we kiss like we never have before. As he consumes me, my nipples grow hard underneath the cotton t-shirt and all my attention is focused there until he once again pushes against me so that my back is pressed hard against the wall. Next, he shoves a leg between mine and moves it back and forth so I move enough to give him more space and I gasp at the suddenness.

But it’s not a gasp of fear. I am so damn excited, my body feels like it’s going to explode.

“Am I right?” he asks, nipping at my neck. My wrists are going to chafe under the pressure of his hands, but I don’t care.

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