Page 28 of In a Haze

“Then that’s great.” He cuts into his waffles with a fork.

“I have a theory.”

“What’s that?”

“It seems like bouts of high emotion trigger me to remember stuff.”

“So this isn’t the first time it’s happened?”

“No. It doesn’t happen often, but I’ve had some, uh, flashes. I guess that would be the best way to describe them.”

“That’s awesome, Anna. Do you have any idea why you’re here?”

Now I laugh. “No, they haven’t been that illuminating. They really are just flashes, quick pictures and emotions. Nothing I can really grab hold of, you know? Nothing I can mull over, ponder. Nothing that allows me to really puzzle together anything about my life. It’s just tiny little pieces, like crumbs in a pie pan.”

“But it has to be good, right?”

“I think so.” I’ve been shoving the food around my plate for a good five minutes now. Bobbi kind of ruined my appetite.

Joe takes a swallow of juice and then puts everything down, looking at me with enough intensity to take my breath away. “You said feeling really emotional seems to trigger them?”

I nod. “Yes. At least, I think so.”

“Then maybe we need to figure out how to do that. Maybe we could see if one of the movies they show has anything that could do that—or I could tell you some stories.”

“Good idea.” I cut off a chunk of the green-hued melon on my plate before piercing it with my fork. “I have an idea, too.” Already, my cheeks are flaming as I feel my grandma’s cool hand on mine, urging me to be a good girl.

But being good hasn’t helped me in this place. Knowing I’ve been here for two years with no end in sight, seemingly good in a murky sea of questionable folk, I think it’s time to be a little naughty. The potential side effect of opening up my memory bank is but one potential reward.

“What’s that?” Joe asks, possibly growing impatient with me.

“What if you got caught trying to break into my room after lights out?”

A grin lights up his beautiful whiskery face, his cerulean eyes shining, a twinkle of mischief in them.

That look of mischief makes my body tingle all over, promising something.

“You let me worry about that. Is that what you want?”

“Yes,” I say as I remember the sting of his kiss on my lips. “I want you to break into my room tonight.”

“I’ll be there,” he vows, and my heart sings in anticipation.

11

Lights out.

Never have I been this excited for such a mundane event. I’m still holding my pills in my hand, trying to decide where to safely stash them for now. Even if Joe and I do nothing more than snuggle on my bed, I don’t want to lose one of them. Under my pillow is not an option at the moment.

At first, I put the pills on the floor in a corner of the room. It’s off the beaten path, so even if we were to dance all around the room, they’d probably be safe—but what if I go to sleep and a tech comes in before I’ve awakened?

Bad idea.

I settle on hiding them under the bed. Again, they’re off the beaten path but even if I fall asleep and a tech gets me up before I can grab them, I will at least have a chance of them staying hidden until I can do something about it.

Now I sit on the edge of the bed, nervous with anticipation. My palms are damp, but my mouth is almost dry, and every nerve is taut. My whole body is waiting for something.

I consider getting up to peek out the window, but that’s a bad idea. Joe has a lot of potential maneuvering to do, and the last thing he needs is for me to draw attention to myself.

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