Page 15 of In a Haze

“When else am I gonna do it?”

“You go to the bathroom—either right after they medicate you or later after lights out. But if you do it then, they’ll usually just let you go.”

“Why do they follow us to the shower in the morning anyway? It’s creepy.”

“I guess a while back there were some women raping other women.”

“How does that even work?” When Joe opens his mouth, I say, “No, I don’t really want to know.”

He gives me an easy laugh, crinkling up the corners of his eyes in the most adorable way.

“Also, they took the book from me. I don’t know if they took it in the middle of the night or when I was in the shower, but when I looked for it after that, it was gone.”

“Fuckers. I wonder what they think we’ll find in there.”

“I don’t know. Maybe they put it back—maybe they returned it to the bookshelves for me.” When he tilts his head, gazing into my eyes, I ask, “What?”

Then he gives me the softest smile, tracing the side of my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “I love that about you, Anna.”

“What?”

“You are eternally optimistic.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Here I am, assuming they’re all out to get us, and you’re imagining them being kind and caring, hoping for the best when you have no evidence to support it.”

“What good would it do to be negative?”

He shakes his head. “I’m not about to debate good and bad with you. I just…wanted to say I love that about you.”

Loveseems like such a strong word, butIam not going to debate that with him.

Mainly because my emotions for him are crazy strong, stronger than maybe they should be.

But it seems that he wants to tell me anyway.

“You know how long we’ve been hanging out, Anna?”

“From what you’ve told me, it has to be less than two years, right?”

He chuckles. “Right. It’s been close to a year. And you never said much before, but I could see that about you, that spark of hope in your eyes, that belief that something better was coming—so all this time, you’ve taught me to hope again. To look for the rainbow. To see the silver lining. And, apparently, to spout clichés.” I laugh, especially because I understand each one. “And so I know you hardly know me, but I know you, Anna. And I’ve grown to love you.”

I feel my lower lip drop just a little.Shockmight seem like too drastic an emotion, but I feel something along those lines. Joe has been feeling like a friend and an ally, not a love interest, despite the fact that I have found him extremely attractive. Out of my league, maybe. And yet, as I watch his eyes gaze upon my lips as though he’s hungry, I feel my body respond to being desired. My heartbeat is tapping a little more quickly, the blood pumping through my veins just slightly faster, my breath harder to pull into my lungs.

And all those things intensify as he brings his lips closer. His eyes shut as he gets nearer and he touches his lips to mine. It’s like electricity as his tongue makes his way inside my mouth and all my muscles clench in anticipation. As he brings his hand to my head, he runs it down my hair before cupping my face just at the jawline.

Time slows to a crawl as my body floods with chemicals until we hear a clatter in the hall.

I startle and then scoot back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Won’t we get in trouble?”

He lets out a sardonic chuckle. “Probably.” I nod, letting out a long breath, and he asks, “But did you like it?”

I feel a grin round my cheeks. “Yes. Too much.”

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