Page 63 of To Save Him

One thing I’d say for certain was that I couldn’t remember a time I’d heard JR so respectful of authority.  It wasn’t that he hadn’t been respectful ofme, but it was different.  My son wasted no time standing and leaving the office.  Mr. Babcock stood then, signaling that he and I were going to leave the room.  As we walked out the door, he said, “Some boys just get the notion to work out their aggression physically.  It’s a testosterone thing—but it’s also a maturity thing.  I’m not willing to let boys outgrow it, though.  They want to fight, they do it on their own time away from here.  It’s true that violence begets violence.  If I go easy on kids, then the next ones think they should give it a try.”

I nodded as we made our way to the hallway.  “I appreciate that you’re going to let him take his finals tomorrow.”

I could tell by the look on Mr. Babcock’s face that he wasn’t sure that had been the best call, but he wasn’t going to say it.  “I just hope JR realizes it’s a gift he’s been given and that he doesn’t squander the opportunity.”

“He won’t.”

Mr. Babcock nodded and almost smiled as we paused outside the office.  “Thank you.  Parents backing me up is what really makes this work.”  JR showed up then, backpack slung over his shoulder.  “How many words in your essay due tomorrow morning, Mr. Morton?”

“Five hundred.”

The principal nodded and shook my hand once more before we left.  Once we were in the car, I asked, “Want to tell me what happened?”

JR looked out the passenger window, his brow lowered.  “Not really.”

Hmm.  This was not typical behavior for this kid…which told mesomethingwas going on.  Fortunately, I knew how to get my son to open up.  Instead of driving home, I drove in the opposite direction.  JR didn’t say a word, but I could sense his curiosity.

A few minutes later, I parked the car in front of the local ice cream shop, a favorite place full of family memories.  Yes, the way to my son’s brain was often through his stomach.  He liked food and I knew some of his favorite things.  Ice cream was one of them and I hoped it would get him talking.

“Why are we here?”

I pursed my lips, forcing myself not to smile as I thought that JR was a typical man:  I could get to his heart, find out what he was feeling, through his stomach—nothis brain as I’d just been thinking moments earlier.

“After all that sitting in the principal’s office, I’m kind of thirsty.  Thought I might want a nice cold iced tea.  Thought maybe you might want a Dr. Pepper or something.”  I dropped the car keys in my purse before adding, “You can stay out here if you want.”

He gave me half a frown, telling me that was a silly idea.  “Nah.  I’ll come with.”  It wasn’t until we were inside standing in line that he asked, “Can I get a root beer float instead?”

My plan was working.  I made sure not to give away that I knew he was softening when I said, “Sure.  Why not?”

In a few minutes, we were seated at a tiny table near the back.  The place wasn’t that big but school kids would be crowding it in less than an hour, picking up cold sugary treats as a reward for making it through one more day.  I was pretty sure the place hadn’t remodeled since the eighties and I thought it could use a facelift, but I supposed as long as everything functioned and they still got plenty of business, maybe they figured their money was better spent on other things.

And watching my son take a sip of his float reminded me that I wasn’t there to critique the place.  “So…you want to tell me what happened today?”

I’d expected the same noncommittal answer he’d given me earlier, which would have forced me to be more clever, but he instead surprised me.  “I don’t know.”  JR scooped a soft, melty glob of vanilla ice cream out of the foamy brown lake in his cup but didn’t place it in his mouth yet.  “Cash was bein’ a dick like usual.  It’s not like he was doing anything he never did before.  It just pissed me off today and I was tired of it.”

My alarm bells went off then—and not because my middle school son was using foul language.  What a shitty parent I’d been to never have seen this…but I’d been distracted for years.  What else had I been missing?  I pulled in a calming breath before I asked, “Is he bullying you?”

JR stifled a laugh, almost spitting out the ice cream in his mouth.  After he swallowed, he said, “No.  What makes you thinkthat?”

“You said—using questionable language, by the way—that he was being a jerklike usual.  That sounds like bullying behavior.”

JR shrugged, stirring his float, but he wasn’t avoiding my gaze.  “Cash is myfriend, mom.  He’s just a dick sometimes.  That’s how he is.”

I knew he’dtalkedabout Cash sometimes, but he wasn’t one of the kids JR played online games with or hung out with during the summer.  “How come I’ve never heard of him before?”

“Italkabout him, mom.  But he’s new this year, so you probably haven’t seen him.  But we’re friends.”

“So what was he doing that made you lose your cool?”

NowJR was refusing to look at me…which told me we were going to get close to the issue.  “Nothing.  I was already in a bad mood and I told him not to—messwith me.  He wouldn’t leave me alone, so I decked him.  And then, before I knew it, we were letting each other have it.”  One sip of root beer, followed by minimal eye contact, which was immediately replaced by a fascination with his beverage.  But at least he was still talking.  “And then Mr. Babcock was yanking us apart by the collars.”  JR looked up for a second, pulling down the collar of his t-shirt.  “He kind of choked me.”

I glanced at my son’s neck and didn’t see any red marks.  “You feel okay now?”  His eyes shifted back and forth but he wasn’t answering me.  “What’s going on, JR?  Fighting with Cash…it wasn’t about Cash, was it?”  Ah…maybe it was over a girl.  Whatever the case, I sensed my son was finally ready to spill.

“Do you still miss Gabe, mom?”

Oh.  His question broke my heart.  Had my son continued to suffer deeply and I’d been so immersed in my bubble that I’d failed to notice?  “Yes, of course, I do.”  Why were the tears rushing to my eyes?  I had to be strong right now.  “Every day.”

JR sucked on the straw for a moment before saying, “It kind of feels like…you’re letting Brandon replace him.”

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