Page 55 of To Save Him

“I don’t know.  I don’t even remember getting out of the Marines or going to the hospital in the first place.  I just remember wanting out and them telling meall in due time…that I had a lot of healing to do—and that PTSD just doesn’t go away.  It never goes away.  It’s something I canmanage…but sometimes things will set it off.”

HadIdone that?  “So what happened today?”  I wondered if it was the sound of the goddamned lawnmower, giving me another reason to want to invest in a self-propelled, non-mechanical version.

“I’m not sure.  All I can figure…”  He closed his eyes, as if trying to recall the events earlier in the day.  “I didn’t expect you to sneak up on me like that.  You know, in the shed.”

“I didn’t sneak up on you.”

“I know, but it felt like it.  Try telling that to my brain.”

“So how can I keep that from happening again?”

He shrugged.  “I don’t know.”

It was at that moment that JR made his presence known.  How long he’d been standing in the doorway would be anyone’s guess.  “Sothat’swhy you don’t like playing shit like Halo and Call of Duty, right?”

I was so glad we hadn’t moved on to talking about having strange sex in the shed…PTSD-induced or not.  “JR,language.”

“Sorry, mom.”

“Yeah.”  Brandon shook his head, making eye contact with my son, seeming a little livelier than he had been over the past hour.  “I couldn’t tell you exactly why, but something about those games really bothers me.  I just know from past experience that I shouldn’t play them.”

“What can we do to help?”

Brandon forced a smile, looking all at once more like the man I was starting to fall in love with (and, yes, at that moment, I also admitted that to myself), and he said, “You’re already doing it.”

I smiled back.  I wasn’t sure what part of the recipe it was—whether it was providing him with shelter or a family or even unconditional love—but I committed myself to continuing to support this man, no matter the cost.

 

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