Page 42 of To Save Him

“Night, honey.”

We heard her darting up the stairs and Mel said, “Never mind the fact that she’s been texting him the entire time.”

I laughed.  “Kids.”  I knew my daughter and knew it to be true.

“Guess I should be going.”

I started walking with him toward the door, relieved that he didn’t plan to draw it out, especially since I’d been abandoned by my kids.  “How long a drive is it?”  The last I’d known, he was living somewhere in Aurora, a suburb of Denver, part of its huge metropolitan rat race, but his wife might have talked him into moving before the baby was born.

“Just a couple of hours, depending on traffic.  Should be okay this time of night.”  I nodded but said nothing, pausing as we reached the door.  “The kids and I actually had a really good time.  It felt…healthy, and I’d like to do it again.”

“You know you’re welcome anytime.”  I’d never wanted to drive a wedge between my ex and his kids.  I knew they were both important to each other—even though they didn’t act like it.

“Yeah, it’s just hard to get back here.”  I wanted to tell him it was thanks to his demanding wife, but I wasn’t going to say a word.  “Since Annabel’s driving nowadays, I thought maybe she and JR could come visit me.”

That set me off.  Damn it.  And I’d been doing so well.  I managed to keep my voice low, though.  “Are you out of your mind, Mel?  She doesn’t have enough road experience to navigate the insanity of I-25 during rush hour.  EvenIdon’t feel capable of that.”  He raised his eyebrows as I continued.  “Absolutely not.”

“Aw, c’mon, Kim.  You have to let our kids grow upsometime.”

Oh…it took everything I had to not go off on him, to tell him that allowing Gabriel to grow up and become his own man had led my firstborn to his death.  I clamped my jaw together so hard I was surprised my teeth didn’t shatter.

He could see it in my face.

I drew in another breath through my nose before I said, “My answer is no.  She’s seventeen, still a minor, and what I say goes.”  I didn’t think Annabel would want to anyway, but now she wouldn’t have to worry about finding an excuse.

Mel rolled his eyes.  “You want me to see the kids more often and we had a great time together.  I just thought—”

“Mel…they’re great kids.  I’m glad you had a good time with them.  But visitation meansyoucome tothem.  Youleftso you have to come back.  That’s the way it works.”

Oh.  Harsh.  But it was something he needed to hear—and something I’d never said but needed to for a long time.  I’d kept my mouth shut throughout our separation and divorce and all the time after, because I didn’t want my words to hurt our kids.

But he’d been hurtingthemfor a long time—so it was time to speak.

And then my mind felt really evil.  I realized my panties were wet as the evidence of quick kitchen sex made its way out of my body thanks to gravity, and part of me wanted to tell the asshole that I’d finally had sex since he’d left me.  But not only was it my secret—one I was happy to hold close to my chest—but it also seemed pathetic.  We’d been divorced foryears—and this was thefirsttime I’d had sex?

Yes.

But that thought somehow empowered me, helping me to stick to my guns when I might have, months earlier, caved.  In the past, I might have offered to take the kids myself or meet him halfway.  But no.  It was on him.  I wasn’t going to carry his burden for him—because it was the burden he’d made, the one he’d asked for.

Mel raised his eyebrows at me, half in shock, I thought, and said, “Okay.  I guess I can do that.”

For the kids, I hoped he wasn’t lying, but I’d heard that line before.

We finally said our awkward goodbyes and I closed the door, making sure he drove off before turning off the outside light.  Even though this had at one time been Mel’s home, I didn’t know that he’d be able to manage the darkness out here in the boonies like he used to.  Nowadays, he was accustomed to the perma-light of the city.

In spite of all that had happened, I was still concerned about his welfare.  Huh.  I never would have thought.

After the emotional highs of the day—from sexual tension to anger, from orgasm to sympathy, I wanted a glass of wine.  Or five.  And then I wanted to sleep like a baby.  First, though, I went upstairs.  I tapped first on Annabel’s door and peeked in.  She was on Skype with Liam, and I felt grateful that her clothes were on.  I told her good night (and even said it to Liam) and then went to JR’s room.  His door was open, and he and Brandon were playing a game I’d never seen them play before.  I tapped on the door to get their attention.  JR told me to come in without even looking at me.

“Eleven o’clock, young man.  Remember, you promised.”

“Yeah, I know, mom.”

“I’ll leave before then to make sure I don’t contribute to his delinquency.”

I smiled at Brandon.  “Thanks.”  I tousled JR’s hair.  “See you guys in the morning.”  It wasn’t quite ten, so I would likely be in bed long before they were.  But a bath sounded nice too, especially since my panties were still damp.

I had to stop thinking about that shit.  Had to.

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