Page 37 of To Save Him

Fortunately, it was the kids, and their presence always affected my mood, usually for the better.  “Hi, guys.  How was school today?”

JR skipped the question and went straight for my jugular.  I didn’t know until he said it that I was in no mood.  “Mom, Ireallydon’t want to go to dinner with dad today.”

I felt my blood pressure increase.  We’d already discussed this and it had been settled.  “I thought you were looking forward to it.  I remember you saying something about bilking your dad out of some Red Lobster.”

“Yeah, but—”

Annabel’s guilty face gave her away.  “It’s my fault, mom.  I’m sorry.  I was just bitching about it on the way home.  I’ll go.  I’m just not looking forward to it.  I think I’d rather sit through Mrs. Bay’s boring biology lecture three more times than go to dinner with dad.  But I’ll do it.”

Once again, my kids left me questioning my emotional intelligence as a parent.  If they didn’t want to gothatbadly, what did it say about me if I wasmakingthem?  Really?  My daughter would rather sit through a class she’d complained about interminably since the beginning of the semester?  That was a serious loathing.

But I’d already promised this time to Mel.  Reneging now would make me look even more like the desperate, vindictive, and controlling ex-wife he liked to imagine I’d become.  “Look, guys, I promise.  Go with your dad today and I’ll never make you do it again.”  I didn’t add that, if their father chose to, he could get the courts to compel me to allow him his visitation rights, the ones he’d never taken, which was the main reason why the kids didn’t want to be around him in the first place—because they’d felt unwanted.  That he’d done it to himself was beside the point.

Annabel sighed as the three of us walked to the kitchen, the place we gravitated to when the kids got home from school.  I liked to think of it as a debriefing where my children could tell me about their day.

I realized, smiling, that the turmoil had changed my mind’s focus, and the raging forest fire in my belly had quelled to smoldering embers.

For now.

Of course, that was when I heard the front door open again.  That would be none other than Brandon.  Mel hadn’t not rung the doorbell in years, not since the house became officially not his.  I supposed it was his way of saying sorry for fucking around on me.  I could have the house—and the mortgage payments.  He took his car; I kept mine.  We split the bank account down the middle.  But he must have figured that his meager child support payments made up for lack of visiting.

I wondered if his children would ever forgive him.

That wasn’t my problem.  Making them feel okay about one last dinner with him was.  But Annabel said, “Dad’s an okay guy—when he’s not talking about his new family.”

Brandon came in the kitchen and acknowledged me with a nod of his head.  JR didn’t waste a second.  “Hey, Brandon.  Can we have a tournament tonight?”

He smiled at my son, his eyebrows arching on that beautiful forehead.  “It’s okay with me if it’s okay with your mom.”

JR thought he had the upper hand and I was happy letting him believe that.  “I’ll go to dinner with dad—and even pretend to like it—if you let me stay up till eleven.”

That little shit.  I hadn’t expected him to bribe me, asking to stay up late just to play games longer than usual.  I was at war with myself then, because I knew JR had done it multiple times over the past year, but that didn’t mean he was coping in school all right the next day.  Still…I really wanted them to be civil with their dad, and I imagined I might be part of the reason why they didn’t keep closer ties with the man.  “Fine, but bed at elevenexactly.  No dillydallying.”

He nodded, sticking out a fist to Brandon.  “Deal.”

Brandon bumped JR’s fist and then said, “I’m gonna change clothes and then I’ll be out back.  The lawnmower’s in the shed?”

I nodded.  “Yes, and the key to the shed is on that pegboard on the back porch.”

After last night’s encounter, I figured Brandon wanted nothing to do with Mel.  There were a dozen reasons I could think of as to why Brandon would not want to be around the man, and each one was completely legitimate.

I turned to my kids.  “Do you want to change clothes before you go?”

JR shrugged, obviously not interested, but Annabel said, “He’s not worth nice clothes.  He can deal with what I wear every day.”  I got ready to interject when she countered, “Look, we’re going, okay?  And I’ll even be nice.  I’ll talk.  I’ll tell him what’s going on with me.”

I nodded.  “All right.”  I looked at JR.  “You too.  Be nice.”

A devilish grin crossed his face.  “Of course.”

I felt an eyebrow furrow but tried to keep my voice light.  “What’s the homework situation like?”

JR told me he finished most of it at school and he’d take his math book and work on it in the car going to dinner with his dad.  Again, I got ready to protest but felt glad that JR was being serious about his schoolwork.  “There’ll be time if we’re going to Colorado Springs for dinner.”

I frowned.  “Don’t count on it.  Be grateful—even if your dad takes you to Burger King, okay?”

“Hey, what’s wrong with Burger King?”

Annabel said, “You know I hate it there.”

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