Page 35 of To Save Him

“C’mon, Anna.  Red Lobster tonight.”  My daughter stuck her tongue out at her brother.  It felt like we were almost back to normal…whatever the hell that was.

 

* * *

 

I WAS FINALLY back in my routine of yoga every morning after seeing the kids off to school.  I’d never tell Brandon, but he’d disrupted my schedule a lot since his arrival—not that I was complaining.  He was a welcome distraction—with or without my inappropriate sexual attraction for him—but the routine I’d established a few years ago for sanity’s sake served several purposes, and I’d do well to remember that.

Yoga, for instance, helped keep me limber and benefited my body in more ways than I knew, with circulation, with flexibility, with agility.  And the breathing that went along with it enabled me to be calmer than I would have ever thought possible.  There was inner peace to be found inside my heart and mind, and all I had to do was practice yoga to find them, if only for a few moments a day.  That was the kind of balance I needed in my life…and something I couldn’t buy.  I had tofindit, day by day.

I was warming up in one of my favorite poses, downward dog.  When I realized Brandon was standing in the doorway, my first thought was to wonder how the fuck long he’d been there…with my ass up in the air.  I breathed through the blood rushing to my head and got to my knees, grabbing the remote and pausing the DVD.  Fortunately, yoga also made me feel graceful, and so I turned then to look at him in the eyes.

Right side up.

“What’s up?”

He seemed a little distracted.  The dirty old lady part of me wanted to blame my ass and the form-fitting tank top that showed off the physique I’d managed to gain and maintain by being physical over the past few years, but I knew better.  And he dispelled that theory easily.  “I have to go to work.  Sorry to bother you.”

He needed my keys.  I was so glad I’d decided to trust him with my car, because it was nice not having to drive him back and forth like I might have one of my kids.  And, so far, he’d given me no reason to regret giving him that trust.  “Oh, yeah,” I said and stood.  As I approached, he moved out of the way a bit, because he knew—now that we had this routine—that I’d have to go to my bedroom to fetch the keys out of my purse.  But the look in his eyes as I walked past…what the hell did that expression mean?

My mind was racing.  Damn it.  I hadn’t reached the part in my yoga routine yet where the calmness washed over me like a gentle rainfall.  So here I was, all hot and bothered and feeling flush and flustered, and it showed when my hands trembled as I fumbled getting the keys out of my purse.  I pulled the three on a separate ring off the big one, because they were the ones I knew he needed ormightneed—house, car, and gas cap key.  “Hey,” I said, grateful my voice was calm and steady as I handed him the bundle, “can you make copies of these at work?”

He nodded.  “Yeah, we have a key station at work.  I could probably get my employee discount for them, too.”

“So why don’t you go ahead and get them made?”

“Yeah, I can.  I’ll probably still need to check with you to make sure it’s okay to take the car, though, right?”

I smiled.  Thoughtful, as always.  “We can use the calendar for that.  I can always try to arrange things around your work schedule.”  And who the hell wasIkidding?  I had no life aside from writing and mothering.

As he led the way out of my bedroom, his back turned to me, he asked, “I’ve never done yoga.  Would you recommend it?”

I couldnotmake eye contact with him, and, fortunately, we were still walking toward the front door, so that was easy.  “Depends on what you’re wanting to do.  If you’re wanting to stretch, feel kind of at one with the universe for a few minutes, clear your mind, build strength, control your breathing…yoga can do that for you, and so much more.”  God, I sounded like a billboard.  I was now officially the pretend poster child for yoga. Pretendbecause I was still so immature in the practice.  I just knew what it did for me and why I continued doing it.

“I used to do a lot of running.  Some weightlifting…but mostly running.  I just wondered what might be good when I don’t feel like doing that anymore.”

“Well…yoga doesn’t help with cardio and might help with some toning and tightening, but I gotta tell you it’s best for control, breathing, mental balance, and maybe even a little endurance.  If you’re wanting a replacement for jogging, I think you might want to keep looking.”

We paused at the front door, and I had no way to read his expression.  “Actually, it sounds like I should be doing that in addition to running.  Who couldn’t use a little mental balance, right?”  He grinned and winked at me before placing his hand on the doorknob.

Yes—winkedat me.

Speechless, I watched as he began walking toward the driveway.  He paused and turned.  “I’ll get that little patch of grass and all the new weeds mowed down in the backyard when I get home so we can start planning some real landscaping.  Sound good?”

“Sounds great.  I’ll get my writing done early so I can help.”

A sweet grin appeared on his face as he slid into the car and started it up, backing out of the driveway and then heading onto the road.

God.  Had he seen how I was frozen to the doorway as I watched him drive away until the car was out of view?  And yet being out of sight did not drive him out of my mind.

Not by a long shot.

 

 

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