Page 56 of Vow of Silence

Why settle down with someone if they weren’t the woman I wanted? I wouldn’t put it past my subconscious to keep me open to the possibility that this, right here, would come to fruition. That I’d have my golden rose back.

My fingers dig into her soft hips as I grind her down, forcing our connection closer. If I could use my raw strength to mash us into one, I would. I’d fucking connect us in a way that ensures she never leaves me again.

That I never hurt her again.

Because if I did, I’d hurt myself.

Fuck—I already did.

“Why did you do it?” she whispers against my mouth. “Why did you cut me off like that?”

Jesus—even our warring minds are in tune with one another.

I wrap a hand around her nape and hold her tight while I ravish her fucking mouth with a growl. I don’t want to interrupt this, but I’ll have to if I’m to give her an answer.

She loops an arm around my neck and twists herself to my side to allow me to reach for the fucking phone. My thumb flies over the screen, words fucked up and needing correction with the distraction of her heated lips on the shell of my ear. I damn near see stars when she dips her tongue into the hollow and then sucks hard on the lobe.

Take it easy on me, Lucifer.Nobody else would think to send me torture this sweet yet destructive.

I did it to protect you. I regret losing you, but not that I kept you safe.

She frowns at the words, her hand cupping mine as she angles the phone for a better view. “From what?” Sea-green irises implore me to explain. “Why didn’t you just tell me at the time?”

I twitch a lop-sided smile and huff out my nose.

Would you have let me go?

I watch her for a reaction and then add,

Because I sure as fuck didn’t want to let you go.

“I guess not.” She runs a doting hand underneath my jaw and then dots a kiss on my lips. “What meant that much, though?” Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “What meant more than my happiness?Ourhappiness?”

I knew I’d done it; I saw the fallout from the breakup. But to hear her say it. To hear how I put Stas through hell from her lips and to fuckingfeelthe heartache in those words.Shit.I drop my head back on the seat and stare at the vehicle’s roof while suppressing the urge to yell out my frustration for her. For us.

For so many lost years.

If I tell you this now, you’ll have more questions. Stuff that’ll take me way too long to type on this shitty screen.

I show her what I’ve penned so far, waiting for a sign that she understands.

You have to promise you’ll give me time to write the rest out later—after we’ve done this visit.

Her index finger finds the waves at the end of her ponytail, winding, fidgeting, distracting from what unsettles her: me. “Okay.” Her need to know what tore us apart is greater than her need to avoid more pain.

I’m in awe of her resilience.

I draw a deep breath, comforted by the tickle of her fingertips drawing circles on the back of my neck.

The last time we were together, we saw Naz talk with someone.

I pause, replaying the memory and overlaying the current situation.Motherfucker.I figured out why Arseni wants Nastasya inside our walls.

“What is it?” She frowns, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

I grip her hip with my free hand, holding her close, and finish what I have to say.

I saw the other person.

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