Page 39 of Vow of Silence

I never wanted her to know why I stopped talking to her, why I cut her out of my life.

I never wanted her involved.

“Since then,” she continues on an exhale. “Well, I finished my degree and obtained my paralegal qualifications. Not that it’s of any use now.” She huffs. “I’m sure Papa already has plans on when he wants me to spit out an heir.”

I smirk. I could think of worse ways for us to spend the time.

“And now.” She tosses her free hand in her lap. “I sit around and waste away my hours, waiting for when Papa next needs me to keep up appearances.” Her brow knits, and I stay at an intersection a little longer than necessary to watch her talk. “Caroline was my escape. And without her, I feel as though I lost the only lifeline I have out of this black pit.”

Again, I can relate.

I snatch the phone and relegate her to the corner of my screen while I hammer out a text message. She reaches forward to swipe at the screen while I bring her back to full view, frowning as she reads the words.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure if Papa would be happy to have you here.”

I repeat the action sending her another brief sentence.

“Why?” She frowns, head tilted, while I pop the phone back in the cradle.

I bring my hands under my chin in the prayer position and softly smile.Please?

Nastasya sighs. The reticence is written in her soft gaze as she stares at something off-screen. I hurt her badly all those years ago, and instead of coming back together through our own doing, it took the meddling of our parents for us to begin the healing process.

I don’t deserve her forgiveness, but I’d sacrifice my soul to have her love again if I still had one. I’m not so sure I do after the things I’ve done.

“How far away are you?” she finally responds.

I hold up all my fingers, one eye squinted a little in a grimace.

“Ten minutes.” Stas worries her bottom lip between pearly-white teeth. “It might be closer to fifteen before I’m ready.” She glances down at herself. “I need to get dressed.”

I’d take her however I get her.

“Whatever you do,” she says sternly, rising from the chair. “Don’t come near the house. I’ll meet you out there.”

I end the chat and slot the vehicle into gear. The tires kick up stones when I veer onto the side of the intersection and spin around to go back the way I came.

Forgiveness is a long road paved with all the little things we do to restore lost trust. The quicker Nastasya and I work through this shit, the better because I’ve wasted enough of my life without the one thing that makes me feel alive.

Her.

SEVENTEEN

Nastasya

Every snap of a branch against the breeze, every chirp of a lizard as it scurries up the tree trunk, my heart resumes its frantic pace. Hands fisted on the collar of my deep salmon wool coat, I huddle against the definite chill of the night.

I’ve lost my goddamn mind, standing out here and not only waiting for the son of the enemy to arrive but the man who showed he has no qualms when it comes to causing me pain. Why should I trust him now? What has he done to earn that respect? The flash of the tortured man’s face, bloodied and raw through my phone, crosses my mind.

I suppose Benito has shown good intentions. At least toward me, anyway.

I shift my weight between laced combat-style boots, thankful I chose to wear my heavier-weight jeans. The days stay mild this time of year, but the cold can be unforgiving once the sun’s warmth is safely tucked away.

I close my eyes in favor of darkness over the shadowy outline of bushes on the far side of the road. In the meager moonlight, their warped shapes remind me too much of the undergrowth around my wrecked car. I shake my head as the sound ofCaroline’s voice crosses my thought stream unbidden, her soft tones when she told me to leave her there painfully raw.

I left my best friend to die.

I don’t care what anyone says or how they explain the situation. I could have done more. There’s always more.

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