Page 84 of What Lies Within

Ballsy from a young age, I was that little girl who chased the boys with a toy pistol of her own. The child that tailed men twice her size and mimicked their movements. My heroes. So much more now that I have firsthand experience with what they do to keep us safe.

To protect our own.

“Hey.” The bed dips as Jamie shifts behind me. “How long you been awake?” She braces her hands close to my back, peering at me over my side.

I shrug. Time doesn’t mean much right now. I’m frozen, suspended in this confusing place between who I was before I wielded that knife and who I’ll be when I find the strength to move into this new reality.

"You hungry?" Her blonde braid slips off her shoulder, and the end knocks me in the ribs.

My stomach answers for me.

“‘Course you are.” Jamie crawls down the bed and slips off the foot. “I’ll fix you somethin’ to eat, but girl, I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” She moves to stand before me. “You’re coming with.”

No.The word ricochets through my mind—a fervent refusal.

Yet nothing passes my lips.Why can’t I speak?

"Come on." Jamie offers her hand, her hip popped while she waits for me to accept.

I’ve got to admire her. The way she operates as though nothing’s amiss.

As though I haven’t broken my goddamn mind.

“Your daddy’s in a meeting with the officers. Rae’s somewhere with them.” She sighs out her nose and wiggles her fingers. “Everyone’s here, Maddie.”

Deo’s not.He took one look at me and walked out. Not that I can blame him; I wouldn't want to take on whatever I've become, either.

“Now, Maddie.” Jamie leans down a little, her stance as aggressive as her change in tone.

I roll my gaze up to her face and sigh. One after the other, I force my languid legs to slip from under the covers, toes scraping the floor. Jamie backs up a step, one hand fidgeting with thehem of her sweatshirt while she watches me unfold my aching limbs.

I hold the trauma in my body—I know it. The stiffness in my neck, the ache down my spine. The cramp in my quads as I rise to my feet and stretch both arms over my head.

Jamie’s gaze falls to my shoulder, then my waist. Her lips curl down on one side, and the pity I find in the warm hues of her eyes when she meets my own has the panic rise a little more.

“What?” I glance down at myself and find what disturbed her. I wear what remains of a life. Speckles of blood, already browning with age. “Shit.”

I look up and find Minion’s daughter wide-eyed, hand frozen on her hip.

Yeah—the sound of my voice shocked the shit out of me too.

“Shower first, yeah?” Jamie changes direction, darting into the bathroom. “You want me to help you?” she calls through the open door.

“No.” I shuffle to the gap and lean on the frame, both hands wrapped around the wood to support my weight. “I should be okay.” A snort rips free.Okay.I’m the furthest thing from it.

“If you’re sure.” She leans around the glass door and flicks the shower on. “Once you’re in, I’ll grab you something to eat and leave it on the counter here.” Jamie offers a small smile. “In case, you know, you get dizzy or something with the hot water.”

My stomach turns circles at the insinuation she’ll leave me. I let the panic wash through me, skin tingling in its wake, and draw a deep breath. “Thank you.” Being dependent on people is foreign.

I’m not this person.

I don’t want to be this person.

"Hey." I turn my head and catch her stall in my periphery as she cuts through Dad's room. "I appreciate this, Jamie."

“Ain’t nothing.”

“It is something,” I press. “I…” I sigh. “I haven’t been the most inclusive of you in the past. You don’t owe me this.”

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