Page 42 of Insta-Love

“I don’t commit to anything I don’t think I can finish.”

“Clearly.” Her gaze drops to my chest, roving over my arms before settling on my face again. “But you’re in love with the idea, not the people.”

“Bullshit.” I’ve never felt this way toward a person before. Ever. Also don’t know how the hell I can prove that to her.

It’s insta-love. It’s love at first sight. It’s whatever the fuck you want to call it.

But since getting to know Ava, I only have one goal left to tick off my goddamn list.

Being the reason for her happiness.

“Think about it, okay?” I do my best to ignore what the sight of her sucking her bottom lip in thought does to my goddamn dick. Not the right time, man.

“Yeah. Okay.”

My gut twists knowing what I’ll say next, but she needs the option. “Even if the feelings aren’t mutual, I’d still like to help you both out.”

Her eyes lift to find mine. “They’re mutual.” Her smile is soft as she sighs out her nose. “They’re very mutual. I’m just … I don’t know. I doubt myself sometimes. Doubt my ability to make a sound decision.”

“You seem to have made good ones so far.”

She smiles, gaze flicking inside to Lily. “I had a kid while I was still one myself, Bowen. I trusted a guy who skipped out at the first sign of any real commitment to me, any real duty. I think perhaps my abilities aren’t so great, don’t you think?”

I make a show of looking at Lily too, only to discover she watches up both as well. “Those things aside, I see a healthy, respectful kid in there, Ava. I think you’ve done better than you give yourself credit for.”

I can see the battle in her eyes, the need to argue with me. But she knows. She might not want to admit it to herself, but she knows: she’s done just fine without that arsehole around to help her out.

“It’s been a big couple of days,” Ava says. “Let me get Lily settled tonight, and then I promise I’ll think on it. Okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.” I push to my feet, dusting my arse off. “For the record, I really want to kiss you again right now, but it’s kind of weird knowing your mum and daughter can see us.”

“It’d be even weirder if we suddenly walked out of view too.” She laughs.

I consider doing it anyway.

She appears to read my thoughts as she gives a little shake of her head. “No.”

“Killjoy.” I wink. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”

“Bowen.” Her plea is soft, her eyes even more so as she looks up at me. “I just want you to understand that this isn’t about you. My hesitations about moving in are my own, okay? Don’t think it reflects on who you are.”

But it does. Because if I was some tradie, some guy with a regular job and none of the hook-ups this image brings, then she wouldn’t doubt herself.

Her reservations? They’re all based around what she knows of me from seeing the shit I post online.

This decision? It’s entirely based on me.

On who I pretend to be.

And that? She proves it has to change.

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