Page 76 of Echoes in the Storm

Three forced sick days later, and I assured my boss that I could return to work without combusting at the simplest word or sound. I came back swinging, stronger than ever, doing things I had avoided for years.

Like sorting Taylah’s room.

But through it all, I’ve remained empty, devoid of direction as I float under the surface of my black sea, watching the sunshine make patterns on the surface. I’ve achieved a lot, and yet the victory seems so hollow.

“You know I have his number, Cammie.” Mum squeezes my hand, begging me in her silent way to accept it, to try.

“What would I say?”

“That you’re a stubborn old mule, and that you miss him.”

I snort, closing my eyes. “He made it clear his life wasn’t here with me, Mum. If he thought it could be, he would have come back.”

In hindsight, I guess that’s why the first weeks were the hardest—I lived in the limbo Duke had spoken of, hoping he would return to sweep me off my feet.

But he didn’t.

“Then I don’t know what else I can say,” Mum tells me as she sets my hand down and stands. “You know the answer, and yet you’d rather suffer than bruise your ego by accepting you both made a mistake in choosing to carry on with separate lives.”

“How am I bruising my ego?” I cry. “He left me.”

“And you did nothing to change that,” she says. “Make a damn phone call, Cam, and be done with it. If he rejects you twice, you can let it go and move on. I’m sick of seeing you miserable over something you could fight to change if you really wanted another chance with him that badly.”

She doesn’t get it. I might be miles from the shore, but my drifting has distanced me from the shipwreck all the same. If I call him, hear his voice, bring the echoes to life, then I put myself back at the start. If he rejects me again, then I’m forced to hang up and face the fact he lives somewhere else, has a life away from here all over again.

I’m forced to say goodbye a second time, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough do that.

“What time does the Salvos shut?” I swing my legs around and sit myself up.

“Four,” Mum mumbles, heading back into Taylah’s room.

“I’ll throw these boxes in the car then and get them into town.”

Because the sooner we get this over with, the sooner Mum goes home. And the sooner my mother leaves, the sooner I can go to bed and lie awake pretending my nightmares aren’t my life, and my dreams aren’t where I wish to be.

Duke

“I’ve put the last of the things that were in your wardrobe in the attic for sorting another day, Son.” Mum dusts her sleeves off as she stands in the kitchen doorway, bits of insulation clinging to the cotton. “You know, I’ve enjoyed having you home, even if you have been distracted for the more recent part of it.”

“I enjoyed it, too.”

She lifts her chin to look me squarely in the eye. “Any idea when you might be back?”

I shake my head. “Not yet. I’ll try not to leave it too long though.”

She nods tightly, her jaw hard as she fists her hands in the front of her baggy T-shirt. “Okay.”

“Come here.” I stick my arm out for her and pull her into my side.

Cody moved out a couple of weeks ago, and now I feel as though I’m committing the ultimate betrayal by leaving Mum on her own. She’s a fighter though, and I know she’ll be resilient through the transition to having the house to herself. Still, it sucks.

“I’ll give you a call during the week, make sure you remembered to put the rubbish out on the right day,” I tease.

She tickles me in the ribs, a sad yet content laugh falling from her lips. “Go on, you. Hit the road before you’re stuck halfway through the pass when dinnertime calls.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I let her go, crossing the room to collect my duffle from where it sits packed against the skirting board. “Has Cody organised the guy to come get those donor cars out of the back yard?”

“Yeah. He said the man will turn up Thursday. I think he only gets one hundred dollars per car, but it’ll be nice to have the full use of my section again.”

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