Page 30 of Tough Love

Fuck that lump in my throat.“Yeah, buddy. It was.” No point lying about it.

“Will tomorrow be bad too?”

God, how I want to say no. I want nothing more than to stroke his forehead and tell him that today was as bad as it’ll get. But it’s not. He’s got the funeral, the wake if Mum and Dad choose to have one, and the weeks that follow.

First day back at school without Kath there to drop him off and pick him up.

Meals without Kath.

Weekends without Kath.

Car rides without Kath.

Learning how to tie his damn shoes without Kath.

Every goddamn thing without Kath.

“It won’t always be bad,” I say, “but when itishard, you’ve got me to help you, okay?”

He nods, burying his face into the toy lion.

“Night, Briar.”

I wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands as I turn away and step out of his room, pulling the door to so our noise downstairs doesn’t disturb him. Mum looks up from her spot next to Dad on the sofa as I enter the living room. He balances a laptop on their legs, typing something as he concentrates on the screen.

“He settled?”

“Yeah. He’ll be asleep soon.” I gesture to the laptop with my chin. “What are you doing?”

“Your father’s seeing what he can find out about custody rights.”

I frown, the idea that Briar’s father would even show up to contest it not seeming a real possibility. “Has his father made contact?”

Dad shakes his head. “And I doubt he will either. But,” he points to the screen even though I can’t see it, “because he was listed on the birth certificate, it means he has guardianship of Briar. If we wanted to take him back to Australia with us permanently, we’d need to consult his father first.”

“You guys want to take him back to Australia?” Something else I hadn’t even considered, but I guess it makes sense. “Could you handle that?”

Dad’s health is on the decline, as much as he tries to deny it, and Mum isn’t the spring chicken she used to be. A young kid is hard work, and they’re both in their fifties. They can’t be expected to provide for Briar into their sixties, maybe even seventies. What happened to a stress-free retirement?

“What other option is there, Amelia?” Mum snaps. “I’m not having that child put into the courts’ care.”

God no.Neither would I. “Why would he have to be?” He has family all around him. What reason could there be for him to go into the foster system?

“His father was recently incarcerated,” Dad explains. “He might contest for day-to-day care, and although I doubt he’d be granted it, the court might put Briar into the system while the dispute is resolved.”

“That’s such bullshit,” I snap, pacing. “How could they do that to him when he has us?”

“We’re doing our best to avoid any possible dispute by getting ahead now,” Mum says, gesturing to the computer. “If we’re proactive we might have a shot at resolving this before it even gets tabled for discussion.”

“If Briar can’t go with you,” I say, “then why doesn’t he stay with me?” They stare at me as though I’ve asked permission to sell him on the black market. “At least until we work through our options,” I try to appease.

Although we all know the reality is there’s nothing better than what I’ve offered. They’re unable to have him, his father clearly wants nothing to do with him—or Kath made it that way—and he has no other immediate family that we know of.

“I don’t know,” Mum says carefully. “Do you think you’d be up to that?”

“I have to be,” I say simply. “It’s what’s best for him, isn’t it?”

She exchanges a look I can’t decipher with Dad before facing me once more. “Take the next few days to think it over.”

---