Page 99 of Tough Love

Of a perfect union.

He sings of us.

Evan’s fingers strum the final note, and he then places the guitar gently in its case. His shoulders rise with the deep breath he takes before he finally looks up to see what my reaction is.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and smile like a lunatic, unable to form words that do him justice.

“So, you liked it then?”

I burst out laughing, scooting off my seat to crawl over to where he sits, and position myself between his knees. “So much more than like.” I blink, glancing to the ceiling to get my shit together. “So much more.”

“Every word, baby.” He caresses the side of my face, running his palm down to my shoulder. “You’re all I think about.”

“Ditto. One hundred percent,” I whisper, leaning my forehead to his.

“I can’t explain this, Amelia; how you make me feel. It’s as though I’m finally whole again.”

He’s echoed my thoughts completely.

“You give me reason,” I say, kissing his nose, his lips, his jaw. “You give all the shit I went through a purpose.” I smile and chuckle softly. “Surviving that hell brought me back to you, and if going back and changing what happened means I wouldn’t get to this, now, then I would go through every minute of the pain all over again.”

“Don’t say that,” he whispers, lifting me and guiding me to his lap. “My heart hurts every time I think about what he did to you. The anger….” He heaves a breath out his nose. “I wanted to kill him the other night. I wanted him to hurt more than you did.”

“I know.” I settle my legs either side of his. “I wanted that too.”

“It’s not fair,” he says, the rage clear in his eyes. “How can he just go on about his life like nothing he did mattered?”

“He’s made his bed, Evan. His lies will catch up to him.”

“You think?”

“I have to believe they will, otherwise I drive myself crazy thinking the same things you do.”

He reaches up to stroke my hair from my face, his eyes focused and intent as he traces the shell of my ear with his fingertip. “I’ve seen creeps like him get away with it too often, you know. That’s the part of the job that’s the worst, when battered women seek help, but the system lets them down.” He sighs, leaning forward to rest his forehead against my chest. “I wish I could help them all, but I know it’s impossible, and that just seems so damn unjust.”

“Look at me.” I coax his face to mine with my hands placed either side of his head. “You, Evan North, are a good man with a good heart. But you feel too deeply. If you want to make it through your days without suffering under the weight of everything that’s cruel and unfair in the world, you need to let it go and accept you can’t help everyone.”

“I know, but it’s hard, Amelia. When I see those women come back in week after week, seeking protection from the arseholes that cut them down, abuse and manipulate them, all I see is you. All I see is the girl I couldn’tsave, but should have.”

“Let. It. Go.” I shake his head a little to firm my point. “I’m here, okay, and with you. You didn’t fail me. It wasn’t your responsibility, it was mine.” I roll my eyes, fighting the tears. “It wasallmy responsibility.Iwas the one who didn’t tell anyone what was going on.Iwas the one who didn’t fight hard enough.Iwas the one who let him control me. It was me, always me.”

He fists his hands in my hair, pulling my head to his. “No, Amelia.” His breath shakes as he sucks it in. “Don’t take ownership of what he did.Nobodydeserves that, no matter how badly you think you handled it afterward. Don’t put yourself through that shit again.”

“I can’t help it,” I sob, remembering the things my parents said, what he did to Kath before she died. “It’s just … with everything that’s gone on lately, all I can think about is how easy it would have been for me to swallow my pride and knock on her door,” I cry.

“Kath had the same opportunities, Amelia. Don’t take all the guilt when she made the same choices as you.”

I break down, sobbing uncontrollably as the shields I’ve held up for so long finally tire and drop, revealing the terrified girl behind them. I’ve played the part, pretended I had no choice and that everything happened how it did because there was no other way.

But it’s bullshit.

I had every chance to reconnect with my sister, to change the course of our history, and yet, I took the coward’s way out. I accepted our breakdown for what it was, not fighting harder to turn it around to the victory it should have been.

How much would that have stuck it to Tristan, if despite everything he’d done, the lies he’d woven, we had stood united?

But it’s too late now.

And no amount of self-loathing and pity will change a damn thing.

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