Page 36 of Tough Love

I knew it. Could see it in Briar’s eyes, but without the hard evidence, I refused to believe it. Knocked it back as coincidence. Shook it off as my overactive imagination.

But it’s not.

It’s real.

And now I have to face the fact that, when Dad returns with Briar, I really am looking down intohiseyes.

The fact that my sister sliced a knife straight into my core and tore me open without remorse.

The fact that during the weeks that shaped my life—while I was hospitalised, cared for at home, and counselled on how to rebuild my life—she chosehimover family.

The fact that my sister had a baby with my rapist.

And my parents chose to cover it up.

TWELVE

“Honey?” Mum’s hand rests gently on my arm.

I flip, causing her to step back suddenly.

“Why did she believe him over me?” I yell, the snap from my reverie a whiplash to the senses. “Did she honestly think he was telling the truth when he said I lied?”

“She didn’t know what to think.” Mum crosses her arms, taking another step out of my volatile atmosphere.

“I had the evidence,” I shout, tears streaking my cheeks as I jab rough hands at where, a long time ago, my body sported bruises and cuts. “Did she think I did that all myself? That I was really that unstable?”

“None of us knew for sure.” Mum’s voice wavers as she begins to cry alongside me.

Only, her tears are of regret tinged with guilt. Mine are born from pure anger.

“You can’t lay that on me,” I say, somewhat quieter, although my voice still shakes, throaty and raw. “You can’t say those kind of things.”

“WhatamI saying?” Mum challenges, her arms dropping. “You were cold, closed off. You never came home on the weekends. Your father and I never knew where you were.” Her voice rises as she continues, growing with her frustration. “We lay awake so many nights worried out of our minds because you were too selfish to seek help for your state of mind.”

“Nothing helped!” I scream. “How could anyone help me when no one believed me?”

Jesus.I haven’t broken like this since the day I walked out of my parents’ home, hell-bent on making a life away from the toxicity of my family. My limbs shake with unchecked adrenaline, my gut turning circles on itself.

“I tried to be better, but when you didn’t believe me when I told you whatmademethat way, what else could I do?”

“He was smart,” she tries to reason. “He fooled us all at the start.”

“Some evidently until the end,” I snap bitterly. “I just … I can’t wrap my head around this.” My legs falter, and I take refuge on my abandoned seat before I collapse.

“She knew,” Mum whispers, resuming her seat beside me. “Kath knew the truth. It just took her a bit longer than the rest of us to face up to the facts.” She reaches out, but withdraws, obviously thinking better than to try and give me a condescending pat. “That’s why she never let Briar see him.”

“And yet she couldn’t ring me up and say ‘Hey, sis. I fucked up’?”

“Would you have found that easy?” she challenges.

I guess not. But if the roles were reversed, I would have felt shit for living with the guilt that I’d driven a wedge through my family out of my own pure selfish lust for a cruel and malicious man. Hell, I felt shit enough as it was for feeling as though I had to stay away, as thoughIwas the reason my family fractured. Yet, all this time it reallywasn’tmy fault.

It was hers. All of this started becauseshelet him into our lives.

“Not that it matters now, anyway,” I grumble. “The damage was done, wasn’t it?” I look to Mum, gauging her reaction.

She frowns a little, nodding. “Things were never the same, no. But he wasn’t the one who made you drift away afterward.” She sighs, pain etched in the lines of her brow. “After you left for university you just … cut us off.”

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