Page 21 of Tough Love

The outlook is bleak, dismal, and ultimately non-existent.

I hold my breath as the reality that the child I hold in my arms is about to become motherless, possibly an orphan, strikes. He’s oblivious to it all, fidgeting with my bracelet while the adults talk, while the process is explained, and the protocols around deciding to switch off life support are detailed.

It’s not until Mum starts sobbing again and the doctor asks if we’re ready to say our goodbyes that he breaks from his trance.

“Goodbye?” he asks, twisting to look up at me.

“Yeah.” I glance over at Dad as he consoles Mum, and address the doctor. “Is it okay if I take him for a walk first to explain this?”

“Sure. Take all the time you need.” Her sympathetic gaze falls on my nephew, the look on her face saying it all: this is so damn unfair; every kid needs his or her mum.

“We’re going to see if we can find you a drink, okay?” I guide Briar to stand, and rise from my seat. “Let’s go explore.”

He takes my hand with unwavering trust, and lets me lead him from the room that’ll forever be permanently etched in my memories, every last detail.

“Aunty Mimi?”

“Yeah?” I look down at him as we start back the way we came in.

“I need to go toilet.”

“Of course, buddy. Hold on.” I look around and locate the symbol pointing to facilities in the opposite direction from where we were headed.

Satisfied he can do it alone, I remind him not to lock the door and stand outside, guarding the room for him.

Reality hits, hidden in the drifted tones of bleach and citrus.

This is it.After today, I’ll be an only child. As of now, there’s no fixing what was left unsaid. As of today, Briar faces a life without either parent in it.

At least, I think his dad isn’t involved.

My heart races, and I pull out my phone to ring the only person aware of the situation who seems impartial enough to offer me advice on what to do next. Officer Evan North.

“Hey. I was hoping to hear from you soon,” he answers with genuine concern. No greeting, just straight to the chase.

“Do you have a minute?” I whisper.

“Sure. Where are you?”

“At the hospital,” I say. “Briar’s in the bathroom, and I’m waiting outside.”

“Oh. You decided to take him to see her?” He sounds sceptical.

I sigh, hanging my head as I hear a flush from inside. “They’re switching off her life support,” I whisper. “She’s brain dead. No signs of life at all.”

“I’m so sorry, Amelia.”

“Yeah,” I half chuckle. “I am too.” Yet more for things that happened nine years ago, not now.

I release my grip on the door as I recognise the sound of the faucet switching off. “I don’t know how to explain it to Briar.”

The kid in question exits, staring up at me curiously.

“The policeman,” I mouth to him as Evan starts to talk.

“Be honest,” he says, seemingly switching to police officer mode. “I’m not saying give every detail, but tell him what happened, and that her body doesn’t want to work anymore.” I look down at Briar, my stomach drawing in knots as he patiently waits beside me. “Assure him he won’t be alone, and that she loved him. He might blame himself for her going away.”

Jesus—I can’t do this.

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