Page 88 of Perfect

“Fuck no. He doesn’t know that bit and I don’t know how to tell him. He’s started to suspect Nathan had a thing for me I think, but that’s it.”

I allowed myself to process that one for a moment. “Does Nathan know about you and Ryan?”

Ella shook her head. “No, no one knows anything really, only Connor and my brother. Nate guesses there’s someone else I think but Ryan and I are so careful. Although he did get jealous over Ryan and I talking at his house the other day. I’m doing some work on their garden.”

The comment about Connor still annoyed me a bit. The fact that they were close.

“I take it you and Ryan are—,” I paused, struggling to get the words out.

“No, not yet. We’ve done other stuff but Ryan wanted to wait until it’s out in the open and we don’t have to sneak around anymore. He wants to speak to my dad. Like a proper old-fashioned guy.”

She must have seen the look that flashed across my face and put in. “Not about marriage! You’re right, you do jump to conclusions.”

I smiled and raised my hand in an ‘apologies, please continue motion’.

“It’s just such a bag of shit, isn’t it? Why the fuck did I have to get pissed and shag the brother of the guy I’ve wanted for so long?”

Ella stretched her legs out and flicked a blade of grass off her bare thigh. My eyes roamed over her face, wondering what type of relationship advice I’d be worthy of giving.

“I suppose you have to tell Ryan about Nate, it’s the right thing to do. Play it down though, it was a silly drunken mistake and you’re young. These things happen. What you do need to worry about, is how Nate will react when he finds out about you and Ryan. He’s wired most of the time, it won’t go down well and will surely interfere with their relationship. Especially when Nathan still likes you.”

She groaned and rolled her eyes before pushing herself to her feet. She held out a hand and I let her pull me to mine.

Although I had obviously not completely taken away her troubles, she appeared more relaxed and less flushed. A problem shared and all that.

“Thanks for listening. There isn’t anyone else I can talk to now. Connor has been so withdrawn lately. Ryan is the one I usually rely on, he’s so intelligent but of course, I can’t really share this particular problem just yet.”

We started a slow walk back to the farm. Ella spoke about Ryan, Ryan and more Ryan, it was like the Ryan floodgates had been opened and I was surprised she had managed to keep her mouth shut for such a long time.

At the house, she pulled me in for a hug and thanked me again. I told her to text me if she needed anything. Her situation was complex. I’d had little to no experience of relationships myself and so what further advice could I give? Be true to yourself, follow your heart and be honest. As long as I had listened, that was the main thing. Hopefully it would all work itself out.

I walked Ella to the gate.

“Let me know if you fancy a meet up in the pub or we could do something else sometime. Maybe go to the cinema? My dad could drop us off?”

She brightened and I knew at that point that now the misunderstandings were gone. We could start to build a friendship.

Of course, there wasn’t that much time for that, soon I would go home and back to what I now considered to be an extremely boring lifestyle compared to life here.

I shooed away the thought of having to leave and how much I’d miss everyone, especially oneparticularsomeone.

*****

As I made my way into the house, I checked my phone and the text I’d received was from Connor asking where I was. I decided to head to his room without replying.

It turned out that hedidhave a TV screen in his room but that he only used it to play video games. It was also usually muted or set at a lower volume.

He had since explained in more detail what his dad used to do to him and was quite open with me about it now. I could see he still struggled to talk about it.

When I questioned him about how he’d managed in the nightclub with the noise, he explained that it wasn’t necessarily the level of sound but the device itself. Connor explained that the TV used to be a major trigger and that just the sight of a set would make him feel aggressive. Irrespective of whether it was turned on or not. As Rachel and my father were more into reading, they never purchased aTV for the house. Dad also preferred the radio to what he would call ‘the usual same crap on telly’.

I always made sure I positioned myself on the side with Connor’s good ear so he wouldn’t have to ask me to repeat myself. He was definitely still touchy about the whole hearing thing, who wouldn’t be?

I knocked and opened the door and there he was in all his glory. Bare-chested, half sprawled on his bed holding a video game controller, his concentration entirely focused on his game. His jean-encased legs were stretched out in front of him and he was leaning against the headboard. His torso was still bruised but the marks had faded.

“Sign me in then,” I instructed as I threw myself onto the bed to join him. He rolled his eyes and handed me his controller before leaning over to grab the other.

“You’re back for another beating then? You’ve got guts I’ll give you that,” he said with a curl to his lip.

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