Page 58 of Perfect

Connor hissed out a sharp breath as he pulled further away, putting more distance between our bodies, gently moving my arms off his chest. I recognised his anger was battling against his arousal.

“You should go,” he rasped, his features partially shadowed again.

I remained silent, allowing myself time to recover my composure. If Connor had not pulled away, I wouldn’t have stopped him and the truth of that lay between usunspoken, but blatantly there. Like a fucking bomb about to explode. I wanted to have sex with him, needed him to be my first.

“I mean it, Harlow, go now. Do you really want your first time to be in a barn with fucking cows and shit? You can be sure I won’t let you off so easily next time.”

I felt hurt by the strength of his words. He made something that had been so beautiful and exhilarating sound seedy.

“What if I don’t care?”

He exhaled down his nose sharply, his eyes angry. “Well, I do. Now is not the right time and certainly not here; I use this area for a different type of release and it hasnothingto do with what’s between your legs.”

I flinched. I knew he was being vulgar on purpose to scare me off. Waiving my virginity and inexperience in my face. Suddenly feeling deflated, I said in a little voice. “It doesn’t have to be this way. We could be friends you know or whatever you want me to be. I’m not a bad person,” I whispered, unable to hide the sadness in my voice.

His expression softened and he moved closer, running his fingertips up and down my arms, but not actually holding me. It was a tender, affectionate thing to do and it felt so good. My spirits lifted slightly.

I inhaled him in as he closed his eyes and placed his forehead against my own, his body tense. My back was still pushed against the barn wall.

“No, you’re not a bad person at all but I am and youneedto keep your distance. You’re too sweet, too young, too fucking perfect. You should experience this shit with a boy your own age, a good guy. Fuck me, maybe even Tom fucking Wade. Experiment, although just thinking about you doing that with anyone else, makes me want to hit stuff.”

I was about to reply but he lifted his head and placed a finger to my lips.

“Not you of course, you know I’d never do that,” he promised.

I believed him.

“I know that. I’m not afraid of you. Not at all, even when you’re at your meanest.”

His eyes drilled into me as he replied.

“That’s just it you see Harlow, youhaven’tseen me at my meanest, and Ineverwant you to.”

I quirked an eyebrow at that one. “You came close at Nate’s party.”

Connor smiled but it was grim. “Not really. I wouldn’t have hit him. Not unless he had his hands all over you. I’d probably have broken his nose then.”

I gave him a pointed look.

“So, you don’t want me but you don’t want others to have me, and then you tell me I should ‘experiment’ with guys my age? Talk about mixed messages Connor.”

He sighed.

“That’s my point. At times I feel like I’m two different people, one good, one bad. Mixed. Do youreallywant to be close to someone like that Harlow? Someone unpredictable and so completely fucked up,” he stated in a tortured voice.

The muscles in his arms shifted and tensed. His words pulled my chest tight.

“Give up on me.”

I didn’t even need to give my reply any thought as the word burst firmly from my lips.

“No. Not going to happen.”

It was that ‘no’ that seemed to tether us together and his gaze roamed over my features as if looking for a different way to break me down.

He moved back a step our eyes still locked together.

“It’s your funeral,” he put in with a slight smile, that hint of misery fading from his eyes.

---