I thought about it for several seconds. “I still think I need to go.”

“Why do youneedto go?” she asked.

Her question irritated me. Wasn’t it obvious? “I want to find out more about my mother.”

“And?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“Of course, but we both know there’s more to it than that. Why else do you want to go with Belinda to visit your mother’s hometown?”

She was right, of course. “I want to go without Colt. I need to do this without him.”

“Why?”

“To prove to myself that I’m with him because I love him and want to be with him, not because I can’t be without him.” Tears welled in my eyes. “Why does that feel selfish?”

“It’s not, Magnolia. It’s a good way to test the validity of your fear. Besides, you’re not planning to leave him for good. Only for the weekend while you check out your mother’s property.”

“Even if I hurt him in the process?”

“He loves you. I think he’ll surprise you with his support.”

“And Tilly?”

“She might take it more personally, but from what you’ve said about her, she loves and supports you too. She’ll come around.”

I nodded, glancing out the window at the fountain. “I hate that I’ve become this person. I was getting better and two people I don’t even know stole it from me.”

“No,” she said evenly. “They didn’t steal anything from you, but it’s not surprising their show is having a negative effect on your recovery. You’re back in the spotlight again, and it’s dragging all those memories into the forefront. But if this hadn’t happened, something else would have done the same thing. For one, it was a high-profile case. You’ll likely see or hear references to it for the rest of your life. And two, there’s always the chance the most random things will trigger your memories and the fear to come rushing back. This is a good opportunity for you to work on coping strategies to deal with it.”

I must have looked as dismayed as I felt, because she paused and gave me a warm smile before continuing. “You lived through two very painful traumas, Magnolia. They will likely haunt you for the rest of your life, but you can learn to move past it. Whether you recognize it or not, you’ve already made tremendous progress. I only see you getting even better from here.”

I nodded, tears filling my eyes again. “But it doesn’t seem fair to Colt. I keep thinking I should be over this already. I’m sure he thought I would be, but I’m just getting worse, and he’s stuck dealing with my neuroses.”

“I’ve spoken to Colt on enough occasions to know that he not only realizes the challenges you’re facing, but welcomes the chance to help you.” She paused again, shifting in her seat. “Don’t forget that he faced a trauma of his own. He had to see you helpless and hurt. He was too injured to stop your father from kidnapping you. Have you considered that he might see supporting you now as a way of making up for his perceived failure in protecting you?”

I started to cry but laughed too. “We’re both a mess, aren’t we?”

“You’re human, but for what it’s worth, I believe that Colt loves you for you, not out of some misguided hero complex. And I believe you truly love him too. Still, some time apart might be good for the both of you. It will be a chance for you to see that your relationship is based on love and not the experiences of your past.”

I knew she was right about all of it, but my heart was already aching at the thought of a few days away from him. All the more reason to go.

“Have you changed your mind about singing with Colt?”

Her question caught me by surprise. She hadn’t brought up my reluctance for several weeks. “No.”

“Is it still a hard no or are you tempted?”

I thought about my drinking binge at the Embassy. “I think I miss it.” I cracked a smile, surprised by my own admission. “I hadn’t expected that.”

“And your reluctance is still from your fear of attention?” she asked.

I nodded. The thought of people staring at me and talking about me cranked my anxiety up several notches. But last night, looking at that stage and thinking about my first performance with Colt… I’d thought I’d chosen the bar for old times’ sake. Because I was thinking about setting him free. Because I wanted to remember the woman I’d been. But I couldn’t deny the experience had reignited my love of entertaining. “But it’s not a hard no anymore.”

She smiled. “Well, I’d consider that progress, don’t you think?”

“I’m still not ready to leap onto a stage yet.”