Page 39 of All I Want for Christmas

But now he was standing his ground as he said, “I thought she had a right to know.”

“You always had a soft spot for her,” I said in mock disgust.

“Pot meet kettle,” he shot back. He had a point. I’d always liked Neely Kate and her fiery temper. I liked the way she looked out for Rose, and I knew Jed had it for her bad, even when she was married. When he’d joined her on her road trip to Oklahoma, I’d purposely given him the ultimatum of having to choose—her or me. I knew my next phase with Hardshaw was about to kick in and I didn’t want him anywhere near ground zero. I’d considered firing him, but I knew he'd never take it seriously. So, I made him choose, hoping to God he wouldn’t be stupid enough to pick me over the woman of his dreams.

He didn’t disappoint.

I knew I was a prick for handling it that way, but he was too loyal to leave me, even if he thought what I was doing was foolish and dangerous. He would have stuck with me to the end. This way, he got a clean break and had all the more reason to go after the woman he loved.

I have no regrets. My life doesn’t have room for them.

Still, sometimes I wondered if I should regret everything that happened with Rose—from making her go to that auction to falling in love with her, but, bastard that I was, I couldn’t find itin me. I loved every second of every minute I’d had with her, and I wouldn’t trade all the money in the world for any of it. Even if it hurt her. Even if it hurt me.

I learned long ago that you can’t change the past so there’s no use dwelling on it.

And it’s even stupider to wish for things you can’t have.

“The reports I give you aren’t enough?” he asked, and I realized I’d missed something.

“What are you talkin’ about?”

“The reports on Rose and her baby. What are they lacking that Neely Kate can give?”

A personal touch. Moments about their daily lives. I couldn’t be there to see my daughter grow up, but I needed more than dry reports. I needed the day-to-day details, and Neely Kate could give them to me. “I couldn’t get the Feds to back off for nothin’, now could I? It’ll be easy enough for her to do. Plus, she’ll like it.”

He grumbled under his breath, then asked, “Does that mean you want me to call off the PI we have keeping tabs on her?”

“Not yet. Let’s see what Neely Kate’s reports actually say first.”

He shook his head. “What are you up to that you’re not telling me about?”

“Who says I’m up to something?”

“It’s written on your face, which is sayin’ something because you’re usually wearing a poker face.”

“So, what’s my face sayin’ right now?”

“That you have a plan.”

I shrugged. “I always have a plan.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Well, it’s all you’re gonna get for now,” I said, then rested my forearms on the table. “Now tell me what you’ve got on Adam Kingsley.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

JOE

Iwoke up on Christmas morning and found Rose’s side of the bed empty. A sliver of panic shot through me before my common sense slid in and told me she’d likely gotten up with one of the kids.

The time on my phone read 6:12, so I got up and checked Hope’s room across the hall. Her bed was empty, and Rose wasn’t sitting in her rocking chair. I headed down the hall, poking my head in Mikey and Ashley’s rooms. Both kids were asleep, and Mikey was still holding onto the stuffed reindeer Bruce Wayne had brought him the night before at our Christmas Eve dinner.

I went downstairs, purposely missing the creaky step, and found Rose sitting in an armchair with Hope in her lap. Our daughter was nestled in the crook of her arm, staring at the blinking white lights on the Christmas tree. Rose smiled at me as my feet touched the floor. When I saw her face light up in my direction, a wave of pure joy shot through my blood. I still couldn’t believe she was mine. That I had three kids I was absolutely crazy about, and I was happy, so blissfully happy.

So happy but there was an undercurrent of dread always below the surface, as though I was just waiting to lose it all.

Whenever I confessed it to Rose, she’d always kiss me and tell me that was nonsense talking. That she and the kids weren’t going anywhere, not unless I was going too.

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