Page 74 of A Merry Mountain Christmas

I scrub a hand over my face. “Let’s FaceTime Bryn,” I mumble.

“Are you okay?” Holly asks with genuine concern. She’s eyeing me like she’s no longer certain I’m her brother.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” I say. “I know what FaceTime is. I don’t live in a cave.”

“No, you’d just like to,” Oliver rebuts. Despite the smartass comment, there’s a look of concern on his face too. He’s trying to keep things light because he thinks I need him to. Maybe he’s right. I’m not really sure what I need right now, but my mind is conjuring images of a princess room with a discount tree in front of the shuttered window.

I take another mouth-burning gulp of the hot chocolate. “Just do it, okay?”

“Is it okay if I hang out in the background?” Harry asks, lifting a hand to his welts. “No one else should have to look at me right now. I probably gave Jane nightmares.”

Oliver gives him a fond look. “I don’t know. I think they’re kind of cute.”

“Okay, enough flirting,” Holly says, pulling out her phone. “My brother is clearly going through some sort of personal-slash-existential crisis. The next thing I know he’ll be asking us to use TikTok.”

“What’s TikTok?” I ask.

“There he is,” Holly says with a grin as she clicks away at her phone. Despite Oliver’s assurances, Harry gets up. Since I’ll presumably need to be seen, I get up from my chair and gesture for him to take it, then steal his place on the couch.

The video call rings twice before Bryn picks up. I feel like crap when I see her rubbing her eyes, the headboard of her bed in the background. It’s past eleven on a weeknight. She’s pregnant, and her fiancé is the CEO of a billion-dollar company. Multi-billion dollar. Of course they’re fucking asleep.

“What happened?” she asks frantically. “Is Jay okay?”

I hear her fiancé, Rory, muttering in the background.

“Shit. I’m sorry,” I say. “I just. I wanted to tell you and Holly at the same time because our other sisters already know. I…”

“Are you sick, Rowan?” Holly asks, her face ashen.

I almost laugh. Almost.

I’m very aware of Rory in the background, listening whether he’d like to or not. Of Harry and Oliver. But secrets haven’t done anyone in this family any favors, and they certainly haven’t donemeany favors—I see a flash of Kennedy’s hurt face—so maybe it’s time to unburden myself of mine. “No… It’s just. Jay told me something the other day, after his heart attack. I guess he’s my real dad. Turns out, he and Mom started an affair after she married my dad, but I guess they called it off for a while after she got pregnant with me. Until Willow was a couple of years old.” I clear my throat, feeling awkward now. “I guess Mom wanted to bring it up on the show. She figured it would get her some screentime, but Jay refused to cooperate, and Nana didn’t like the idea anyway. I’m guessing she thought it would take attention away from her and her boy toy.”

“Oh, fuck,” Holly says, dropping the phone on the table. She leans over and wraps her arms around me, engulfing me in a hug. Oliver shrugs and gets in on the action.

“Hey, what’s going on over there?” Bryn asks. “Are you hugging?”

“You want me to drive you over there so you can hug them?” I hear Rory ask. If another man had said that, I would have assumed he meant it sarcastically, but I’m pretty sure he really would drive her over here if she said yes.

“I’m hugging you in spirit,” Harry says. “My skin itches too much.”

My eyes feel hot, and shame cascades through me. I was taught from a very young age that real men are stoic and strong and they absolutely do not, under any circumstances, cry. My father told me so…or at least the man I thought was my father. My grandmother taught me the same thing. Now, here I am, on the verge of it again. My emotions, usually so willingly stuffed away, have been engulfing me lately. My mind shoots to Kennedy again, to the way I left her, and my eyes feel hotter.

I break free of the group hug and grab up the phone. “No need to come over,” I tell Bryn, who stares at me with all the concern of a big sister who’d like to solve everyone’s problems. “I just wanted to let you know at the same time so you wouldn’t feel left out.”

Her lips tip up. “Thank you, Rowan. That means a lot to me.”

There, I got something right. I’m obviously messed in the head, because I’d like to tell Kennedy about this, but I won’t be talking to Kennedy, will I? I should stay away because I hurt her. I should stay away because she makes me feel like I’m veering out of control, and I already feel that way most of the time.

“Now, what are we going to do about Nana?” Holly asks. “She has to be stopped. She tried to poison Harry twice!”

Bryn’s brow furrows in her worried look. “Should we press charges?”

“No one can prove she poisoned Harry,” I say. “She’ll just claim she didn’t know he was allergic to lavender.”

Holly guffaws. “Anyone who’s met him knows. He tells literally everyone inside of two minutes.”

“Do not,” Harry says sullenly. “It just tends to come up sooner or later. That’s not my fault. It’s part of the natural flow of conversation.”

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