Page 65 of Half Baked

“You okay?” Noah asked softly, taking my hand.

I started to tell him I was fine, but I didn’t want any lies between us anymore. Even small ones. “No, but I will be. I just had a rush of memories hit me.”

He squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry.”

Pressing my lips together, I lifted a shoulder in dismissal. “I can’t change the past. I can only remember it with fondness and carry on.”

“It’s okay to be sad about what you lost. You’re allowed, Maddie.”

I looked up at him, his face blurry through my tears. “So are you.”

Surprise lit up his eyes, and he leaned forward and gently kissed me. “You’re right.”

“Is that why you pulled away after Christmas? Were you sad?”

A torrent of emotions rolled over his face. Finally, he said, “Yeah. Sad. Mad. Uncertain.” He gave me a grim smile.

“I know you think you don’t deserve me, but maybe I don’t think I can give you everything you need either,” I said. “Like your mother and your family. You deserve to be with someone they approve of, and that’s obviously not me.”

“As hard as it is to believe, my mother’s bad behavior isn’t because she dislikes you. It’s because she’s scared of losing me. It doesn’t make it right, but I do believe she’ll come around. Not that any of it is fair to you.” He tilted his head and studied my face.

I took a moment to respond, choosing my words carefully. “No man will be able to give me everything I want. None of my ex-boyfriends were ever as considerate of me and my feelings as you are. That’s more important than you know, Noah.” I gave him a sly grin. “Even if you’ve been a shithead recently.”

A sheepish grin lifted his mouth. “I deserve that. But you still want kids, Maddie, and I’m not sure about that. My mom pointed out that it’s not fair for me to continue this if I’ll only hurt you in the end.”

I sat back in my seat and stared at the stop sign at the end of the street. “Sitting here in front of my old house, I realize I had a lot of dreams when I was a kid. Marriage. Kids of my own. But those plans all included my mother. And the cold, hard truth is that my path has changed.”

“You can still have a family, Maddie.”

“With an asshole like Steve?” I turned back to him. “If I have to decide between potentially not having kids and being with a man who’s respectful of my feelings, or having kids but being stuck with a self-centered jerk, I think I’m going to choose the former.” I gave him a soft smile. “I choose you, Noah.”

He shook his head. “Why does that make me feel like a first-class asshole?”

I laughed as a tear slid down my cheek. “Then you got the wrong message.”

“I promise you, I’m done running, Maddie,” he said, reaching over to wipe my tear away. “It’s okay if you need me to reassure you ten times a day that I’m not. We had something great before I left, and I blew it all to hell. But I’m. Not. Running.” He grinned. “It’s already feeling impossible to run from you.”

“Thank you for reassuring me.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Noah gave me a soft kiss then glanced over his shoulder at my old house. “Is it very different than when you lived here?”

“No, but itfeelsdifferent. The house seemed to exude love.” I cringed. “That sounds stupid.”

“Not at all. I feel that way about your aunt’s house,” he said without embarrassment. “There’s so much love in her house that a person feels it when they walk up to it.” Then he released my hand. “Let’s go talk to some neighbors.”

ChapterEighteen

Maddie

We got out, and I led him to the home on the left, Mr. and Mrs. Lebowski’s house. When I was little, the elementary school was dismissed late enough that my mother was usually home by the time I got back. But when I graduated to middle school, I got home earlier than her. Mom often stayed after school to help her students, so on those afternoons I’d go over to visit Mrs. Lebowski, who always seemed to have warm cookies or banana bread. I remembered her fondly, and I knew she’d cared deeply for me and my mother. She’d been devastated by my mother’s murder and had sobbed inconsolably when I’d officially moved in with my aunt and uncle.

Noah and I walked up to the front of the small house. Concrete steps led up to a small square porch. I knocked on the glass storm door, then waited at the bottom of the steps, Noah standing behind me.

A few seconds later, an older woman opened the steel front door and peered through the glass at us. For a moment, she looked confused, then her jaw dropped, and she pushed the storm door open in a rush of warm, sweet-scented air. “Maddie?”

My heart burst with warmth and affection. “You remember me?”

“I could never forget you, sweet Madelyn. You look just like your mother.” She beckoned me inside the house. “Come in. Come in. And bring your handsome man.”

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